Wednesday, October 29, 2014

you will never find mr. right

I'm not for the dating method, trying out people is not my idea of finding the "right one", but you already knew that. You try on shoes & shirts, but not people. I tend to agree with this post to a certain degree, but no method or opinion is perfect. God-led is the method we choose to follow here. Each beginning will be different, each circumstance God will put in our path will have to be examined prayerfully. God is in control of all, we merely have to trust & obey Him. Its not as complicated as everyone makes it out to be. Haters will hate any system with pride, we are fallen creatures, yes? Lets put God back on the throne & allow Him to lead us in a plain path. 

I do not agree with everything brought forth in the blog post I found below, but I like the idea of working on ourselves as a people & to let God do the rest. I however do not have any problem at all in having a higher standard for a life long mate, lists can be thrown out the window in my thinking, but some things you just cant fudge on even if the haters will tell you otherwise. After all, whether you are male or female, whom ever you choose for a mate is yours for life! So what do you think?

You will never find Mr. Right
Sometimes when I get on Facebook I just want to scream when I see the articles and posts people share on “5 things to look for in a guy,” or “5 people you should never settle for,” or “10 qualities to look for in your husband”… And if I had this blog 7 years ago when I was a freshman in college, I would have been the worst. My freshman year of college, I made a list of all the qualities, traits, characteristics I wanted to find in my future husband. And I came up with 63!!!!! Ummm hello, that’s a bit excessive. I wish I could go back and tell myself this…
When I started dating someone, I would pull out my list and start marking the qualities or traits he had, and then I would see how many he didn’t match up to. Then I would judge him. And the scariest part is that I even told some of the guys I dated that I did this and they didn’t run away from me over that!!!! Red flag right there. If a guy ever told me he had a list of 60 things I needed to match up to and he judged me based off of those things, I would run. Fast. Sizing up someone to a list that long is NOT found in the Bible. God did not tell me nor do I believe that he wanted me to do that.
Thankfully, I grew up and out of this phase and realized, not only is this impossible husband list not biblical, I should be completely turning my focus to something different. My focus should not be on what kind of man I am looking to marry, but what kind of woman I am  seeking to be FOR a man I want to marry.
You will NEVER find Mr. Right. You will NEVER find a man that completely, at all times, pursues your heart. You know why?! Because whoever you marry is going to be an IMPERFECT man.
I respect and love Jim more than any other man on this earth. But I know he is not close to being perfect. Honestly I haven’t sized him up to my list I made so many years ago. But I can tell you that he maybe would fulfill half of it. 50% is still a failing grade :-) I decided a few years ago that list meant nothing in my search for a husband because I made a decision that I was going to trust God alone for whoever he would lead me to marry.
Instead of focusing on what to look for in a man, I decided to focus on what kind of woman I could be for my husband. These are the areas I focused in on and still do actively today:
1. Mentally. I wanted to know what marriage is about and how I can honor Christ with my marriage before I even was dating someone seriously. I read so many books and really studied what God’s word had to say about marriage. My favorite book on marriage is Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Not only did I prepare myself mentally for marriage, but also for life by constantly learning, reading, and talking through with others on how to view the world and myself through the lens of the Bible and the culture we live in today.
2. Physically. God created our bodies to live, breathe, eat, and function healthily. He gave us our bodies, and we need to be responsible and take care of them! Not only is my body a temple of the Holy Spirit, but my mind and soul are in my physical body, so the healthier my physical body is, the healthier my mind and soul will be too. And not to ignore the obvious, but God made men very visually attracted to the female body. If you want to attract a man, take great care of your body!!! Eat plenty of veggies and go on a walk/run. I promise it will change your whole mood aside from your body being healthy!
3. Spiritually. This world is temporary. You were made for something much greater. Jesus made the greatest sacrifice for you, dying in your place, loving you unconditionally, so you could live with him in paradise forever. All he wants is a personal relationship with you. The more time you spend with him, in His Word, the more he will change you to be more like him, loving and serving others for His glory. The joy we find in living for Him is greater and more satisfying than anything else we could find in this world.
4. Socially. God wants you to enjoy life! Enjoy relationships and community. Find and grow with friends who you can laugh a lot with and will point you to Jesus in all things. The best place to find this is in the church. But always pursue friendships, some who you are similar to and some who you are very different from. Love others deeply and not only will you find a place of belonging, but you will learn more about God and yourself too.
So why did I tell you these four areas? Because the more you spend time on seeking to grow in these areas of your life, the more prepared you will be to love and honor the man who God gives you.
The bottom line is this. Seek to be a woman who loves and honors God in all parts of your life, especially if you want to marry a man who also loves and honors God. A man who follows God with his life wants a woman who follows God with her life.
And if you like making lists like I do, make a list of what kind of woman you want to be. Study the Bible and find the specific qualities of who God wants you to be and pray that he makes you more like that. Colossians is a great place to start.
I only wanted to share this because I learned the hard way. When I was dating in college, I was more concerned of who the guy was than who I was.
I am not close to perfect, and neither is Jim, but we both know we want to be more like Christ in all things, so we can walk through this journey together as we pray together and push each other to keep fighting to be more like Him.
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

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