6 ways to love single women in your church

6 Ways to Love Single Women in Church 
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Some claim to be content in their singleness & that's wonderful, but many are broken through their singleness.  Don't  minimize their pain,  its heartless. I believe God has put it in our hearts to have a desire for marriage. It began with The Garden &  Geneses & the very story of Adam & Eve & the resulting union & family life. It began there. Not everyone is made to be single, actually I will even go as far as to say that it is impossible to have so many "called" to be single as so many claim. Perhaps some, but not as many as I see. I'm hear to make an appeal to you, if you are happy single, I'm happy for you, but if you know someone who is not happy & their heart is stirring..... understand & love them. For those that desire deeply to have a life partner it is & can be a very dark cave. Just as much as "happy" singles claim that wanting marriage is an idol, I would say wanting singleness only can be idolized also. Allow those who are discontent in singleness to grieve. Its a very tough spot for many. 

I have a heart for singles. Many of my friends are single young women ranging from early 20's to mid 30's, I also know of a few men who struggle greatly in this area, they too desire a life partner, someone to grow old with.  The young men I know are truly looking & are as stuck as many of the ladies I know. I thought this was a good article to share. 

Reminder: I merely find articles on the web, I don't always necessarily agree with the source from which they came. 

6 Ways to Love Single Women in Your Church

http://lindseysthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/6-ways-to-love-single-women-in-your-church/

Last week, my pastor published an article out of a father’s heart for the single women who want to marry in his church body. You can read it here: http://marshill.com/2013/12/13/6-options-for-godly-single-women-wanting-to-marry

The article was like balm for my chaffed, lonesome soul. The life of a single person is full of friction. Relationships are full of confusion, decisions are challenging to make, and each day is pregnant with “maybe never’s” and “not yet’s”. It was a relief to be acknowledged and for the complications to be noted.

At my particular church, married couples far outnumber singletons. This is a wonderful thing! Praise God for so many marriages. However, walking into a church service week after week not sure who you’re going to sit with while observing a sea of heads resting on shoulders and hands being held can bum a girl out. The single woman who wants to marry and loves Jesus experiences a wide range of emotions in regards to her particular season of life. At her deepest core, she desires to be loved (as we all do) and if I may, I would like to suggest ways you can love her.

1. Do Not Use If/Then Statements:

There may be nothing that irks me more than when I am told, “It’s when you let go and are ok with being single that God brings you someone,” or “Relationships happen when you least expect them”. Where this may have been your experience or your friend’s experience, God doesn’t use reverse psychology on his kids and he certainly doesn’t set up dating formulas for us to figure out and follow. In His grace, He often chooses to not give us our idols because he loves us; but that is not the only reason someone is still single. Let me just state for the record that contentment does not entitle you to blessings. By telling a single person that they need to be cool with being single before they can be married, you have (most likely accidentally) encouraged them to live according to a “works-based” mentality. It’s easy to fall into a manipulative relationship with God at that point, and pursue singularity in Christ so that he will bless you. What is more helpful, is to lovingly encourage a single woman in her relationship with Christ because He’s worthy of being pursued himself. Share with her how He has proven himself enough for you personally (not just you and your spouse) in difficult seasons of life.

2. Do Not Assume or Attempt to Fix:

Assumptions about why a person is still single can be very hurtful. Marriage is not a goal, it is a gift. As Pastor Mark said in his article, “There are some single women who remain single for no good reason.” When a single girl comes up to you upset and asking, “Why am I not married?!!!”, the last thing she wants is someone to take a magnifying glass to her heart to diagnose its condition. That is the Holy Spirit’s job. Of course we are all called to sharpen one another and (as the Lord leads) encourage one another toward holiness; but under no circumstance should we try to “fix” each other. There are all kinds of people who are married. There are not those who qualify and those who don’t. The single girl is most likely in a frenzy comparing herself to the married people in her life wondering, “what’s wrong with me?”. What her Father wants her to hear is that she is loved, she has been made worthy by Jesus, and that she has great value just as she is. When others (in an effort to help) fill her head with a lot of “maybe this is why’s”, she will be tempted to psychoanalyze herself rather than rest in God’s sovereignty and love. Trust me, she’s thought through all the reason’s “why not” and Satan likes to beat her with them. Instead, empathize with her and accompany her as she petitions her Lord for the desires of her heart. Pray together that God would provide her a husband, ending the prayer as Jesus does with “Thy will be done”.

3. Ask:

Some of this will depend on the personality of the single person in your life, so use discernment…

The single woman probably has a lot of her life that she wishes she could share with another human (especially if she doesn’t live with her family). Something as simple as a quick text, “How was work?” can mean the world to someone who never gets asked that question. It’s easy to feel like no one cares when you don’t have a spouse. When a single person falls on hard times or has a big decision to make, it all falls on their shoulders. There is no one right there to bounce ideas off of or make decisions with. If you are close with a single person, ask them about the day-to-day things in their life. “How was that dinner with your folks?”, “Did you finish that project?”, “So, what are you thinking about such and such?”. Ask these questions not as a controlling parent would, but rather as a friend who loves to hear about every aspect of their friend’s life. When listening to the answers, don’t be a fountain of opinions and solutions (if they share problems) – listen and simply hear. Offer advice only when it has been invited.

4. Affirm:

Everyone likes to be encouraged. Everyone should be encouraged! Affirming and building one another up is something we are called to do for each other. This is a call that applies to every person you are in relationship with; however let me offer up some specific ways that you can affirm a single woman. Don’t be afraid of her finding her identity in her looks, tell her she looks pretty. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have gotten ready for something and cried at the mirror because I felt sad that my efforts weren’t going to be enjoyed. When a married woman gets all dressed up, often she is giddy with excitement because she knows her husband will delight in her beauty. The single woman will often feel like a waste. God made women beautiful and beauty reveals its full richness when it is partaken of. Single guys in the church community know that it may give the girl the wrong idea if he says she looks pretty, so its unlikely that the single girl feels like her beauties are of any use. Delight in the beauty of the single women in your life. Not, in a sexual or creepy way; but enjoy the things that are lovely about her. Show her through your words that her beauty reminds you of the beauty of Jesus. They are a part of the Bride of Christ, celebrate them as you would celebrate a woman on her wedding day.

As you walk with a single person through their life, affirm their good decisions. When you see them growing in wisdom and making godly choices, say it. Often the singles feel unsure about their decisions because their life lacks immediate validation. She may not have godly parents and feels awkward always asking “Is this ok?”. There is power in “we made the decision”. It takes a lot of faith and guts to make all the calls in your life. If a single person is in your community, be a part of those decisions with them (when invited). Affirm their wisdom when they seek counsel from you.

5. Invite:

At my church, single people are encouraged to seek wisdom from people a life stage ahead of them. (As a little aside, “ahead of them” feels like a poor choice of words. Yes, statistically most of us will get married; but married people have not achieved something higher than the single person. “Older than” or “In a different stage” is a better choice of words.) I have inserted myself in the lives of married couples and reaped a multitude of blessings by being actively involved in other family’s lives. I’ve learned a ton about marriage and parenting – I highly recommend following this suggestion. The Bible teaches us to disciple one another. For the older women to teach the younger and so on and so forth. Much can be gained from obeying this truth. What I have noticed though is that the pressure is usually put entirely on the younger person to seek the disciple-er out. Where I don’t disagree that we should be doing this, I would like to add that the marrieds and elders should also seek out those whom they can disciple. If you’re married, invite single people into your home and life. Not as though they are a charity case, but as delightful people who you want to spend time with. It honestly feels embarrassing for the single person to feel like they have to invite themselves over. A lot of young single women would love to have you and your family over for dinner to get to know you, but their tiny apartment and roommate prohibit them from making that possible. Sheepishly, they may ask to spend time with you knowing that it’s hard for you to get away from the kids…so they end up offering to babysit which results in them spending time with your kids and not you. It becomes exponentially more awkward when you pay them. Invite them over for dinner and a movie after the kids go to bed. Drink wine with them and make them feel like a grownup, not a 13-year-old.

6. Give:

This last point is focused mainly on single women in their late 20′s or early 30′s who live on their own (or at least not with their parents). A fantastic way you can love the singles in your community is by being generous with them. A young single woman with (more than likely) a boat load of student loans, an entry-level job, and no family support is going to struggle financially. She is choosing holiness by not moving in with a guy who will help ease the burden, and she should be encouraged for that. While her newly wed friends are being showered in free furniture and are registering for all their household needs, the younger single girl is eating ramen and can’t even dare to dream about new dinnerware. She has to buy her own blender, her own flowers, her own kitchen table, and her own cookbooks. No one is teaching her how to run a proper household, or cook on budget, or get her whites extra white. That’s why she lives on Pinterest! Most likely the women in her family are saving things they intend to give her when she’s married. Though the sentiment is appreciated, she needs all those things now! You can really bless a single person by giving them things you would normally find on a wedding registry.

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I hope this doesn’t come off as the bitter ramblings of a discontented old maid; but rather, I hope you read this and feel better equipped to love the single people in your life. Life is hard for everyone, for married people, for single people… By God’s grace, we are all one body working together for the Kingdom; depending on Jesus for our fulfillment and sense of worth and value.

Single gals, be encouraged! You’re not worthless, you’re not undesirable, you’re not broken – anymore. You have a new heart, a new identity. You are chosen, precious, of great value, and made worthy by a King who loves you. Daughters of the King rejoice! You will meet your groom. He will sing over you and delight in your loveliness. He died, so you might live. He exchanged His crown for rags so he could clothe you in the purest of white. He is preparing a home for us.

satan's lies about singleness

Satan’s lies about singleness

Emma Thornett | 19 August, 2013

I’m single. I live in Sydney’s east with my two flatmates and my cat. (The crazy-cat-lady litmus test is that you know you’ve become one and you don’t care.) I’m in my late thirties. Many of the struggles that surround singleness are my struggles too: tossing up between living on my own (and being lonely and possibly broke) or living with flatmates (and regularly having to find and get used to new ones); turning up to things on my own all the time; feeling the unvoiced wonderings of friends, who think I’m too fussy, or gay, or weird; feeling surprised and disappointed that I’m not married by now, and wondering what’s wrong with me. I tire of all of those things.

However, I remain convinced that God’s word in the Bible is true, and I am determined to cling to it. My life, my struggles, my circumstances have changed over the years, but God has not. Neither has his word.

So this is a plea to my dear Christian sisters who are single but would love to be married: don’t stop trusting God. Endure through your sadness. Don’t let Satan get to you with his subtle lies, which come from all directions. Don’t find yourself believing them without even realizing it.

(A quick note: I’m deliberately addressing this to women who aren’t married but would like to be. What I say will not apply equally to all single people, so please take whatever you find helpful from this article even if it’s not really written for you.)

Here are just some of the lies Satan tells us all the time.

Lie 1: You’re single because you’re…

You can finish the sentence yourself—just insert your adjective of choice. For me, it varies from ‘fat’ to ‘ugly’ to ‘horrible’, depending on the day. But I can think of so many friends who are beautiful in the world’s eyes, who are lovely, funny, kind, delightful… and single. So many. People of all shapes, sizes and personalities are single, and people of all shapes, sizes and personalities are married. What is attractive to one is not attractive to another. Shape, size, and personality are not why I’m single.

In the Western world at least, more and more people are marrying later in life or not at all. I may be single, but I’m certainly not alone. This isn’t because the human race is producing uglier or more horrible people, but because of a raft of social changes we’ve seen over the past century.

Lie 2: God is not powerful enough to find you a husband.

 But God is more powerful than any social force or trend. The fact is that ultimately I’m single because God is in control of everything. He is sovereign. Likewise, those who are married are married because God is sovereign. Those who are widowed are widowed because God is sovereign. God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities.

The older I get, the easier it is to believe this lie (which is closely related to the first). When I was younger, thinner and less cynical, it was easy to imagine that God would send a husband along for me. Who wouldn’t love me? I was amazing back then! But the longer I remain unchosen (and that’s certainly how it feels), the easier it is to think that God’s power can’t reach this part of my life.

But I need to remember that in fact I am not unchosen. God himself has chosen me. And at the risk of stating the obvious, if God can create the universe just by speaking (Genesis 1); if he can cause Pharaoh to let the Israelites go (Exodus 12); if he can raise Jesus Christ from the dead (Luke 24); if he can use the purposes of evil men for his good purposes (Acts 2:22-24); if he can give us new life and change us from people who hate him to people who want to serve him (1 Peter 1); if he can—well, do I need to list every event in the Bible? If God can do all this, then he can find me (and you) a husband, easily.

This doesn’t mean “there’s someone just around the corner for you”, or that God will provide you with a husband. It just means that if you are single it’s not because God is too powerless to marry you off to someone.

Lie 3: You’re single because God does not love you

Most of us know this can’t really be true. We know that God is love (1 John 4:8). We know he sent his own Son to die on the cross for the sins of sinful people. We know all that.

But have we stopped believing it?

Our world is decaying because of sin, and there is sickness, tragedy and sadness everywhere. We have all kinds of reasons to doubt God’s love for us if the only thing we have to go on is what we can see around us. But we are such finite beings. We see so little. We “do not know the work of God who makes everything” (Eccl 11:5). So we must look to the cross. The facts of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ are the same now as they were when we first believed. If God sent his own Son to die that horrific death in your place so that he can be in relationship with you, and if he did this while you were still a sinner (Rom 5:6-11), then maybe you don’t need to doubt his love for you.

And if you cannot see God’s love on the cross, why do you think you will see it in a man—especially a sinful man?

Lie 4: Because no-one has married you, you have no value. 

What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God’s love than providing a husband.

I’ve spoken to a number of single friends who genuinely think they have nothing to offer. They think the fact that no man has chosen them for a wife is a reflection on them, and that it means they can’t possibly have any value. I suppose it is just another expression of that age-old sin of thinking our value comes from how other people see us.

At this point, I’m tempted to talk about how much single people can offer the world around them. I’m tempted to tell you about one of my friends, who thinks she does not matter to anyone yet gives up her time week after week to help out with youth group. Or another friend, who cannot tell me a single positive thing about herself but who is often quite thoughtfully supportive of her friends and family. I’m tempted to talk about all the ways in which we single people can contribute to the lives of those around us. But that would suggest that our value comes from what we do, which is just as bad as thinking that our value comes from what other people think of us!

Lie 5: Getting married will fix all your problems. 

Someone marrying you will not make you valuable. Doing things for other people will not make you valuable. You cannot be made valuable, because you already are valuable.  You are valuable because God Almighty himself tenderly created you—in his own image, no less! You were valuable the minute God wrote your days in his book (Ps 139:13-16), and nothing that happens to you in this life can change that.

This is probably the lie that I wrestle with the most, mentally. I swing wildly from knowing it isn’t true to thinking it is. When I’m looking for a new flatmate, I think that marriage would mean I wouldn’t have to keep finding people to live with. I could just get used to my husband, and that would be it. I could also afford to buy property, so I wouldn’t have to worry about when or if my landlord might ask me to leave.

It is true that marriage is a solution to some problems, some of the time. Marriage can be an answer to loneliness. It might mean I can buy my own home. But this particular lie is one of those clever half-truths, where the truth makes it harder to see the lie.

There is actually no guarantee that marriage will fix loneliness. Some married people are incredibly lonely, trapped in awful marriages with no-one to talk to about it. And getting married is no guarantee that I’ll never have to find someone to live with again, or that I’ll be able to buy property and have more security. My husband might die soon after we’re married; our house might burn down. Those are tragic examples but even if things like that don’t happen, I’m sure the picture I have in my head of what marriage will be like is probably very different from what it would actually be like. Paul doesn’t talk about the “anxieties” and “worldly troubles” of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 without good reason. Jesus’ own disciples clearly recognize the difficulties of marriage. When Jesus tells them that “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery”, they say, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matt 19:9-10)!

I’m not saying marriage is bad—as the apostle Paul would say, by no means! Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, and I’m absolutely delighted when my friends get married. I’d love to get married myself. But we must not fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will fix all our problems. It won’t.

Lie 6: You’ve got to find The One

This is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas. Seriously. Thank you so much, Hollywood, with all your stupid rom-coms, for helping Satan blind us with this lie.

While it is true that God knows whether we will marry and whom we will marry, there is absolutely no way that we can know. Unless God himself gives you a name or hands you a photograph, you simply cannot know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether you’ve found the ‘right’ person. All you can do is pray, make a wise decision, trust God, and then be faithful to your marriage promises.

Lie 7: A single person has no family 

I’m not saying you should marry any old person as long as they’re Christian, available and breathing. I’m not saying there’s no place for physical attraction and romance—Song of Songs would contradict me if I were. What I am saying is that in your desire to get married, don’t look for ‘the one’; instead, look for someone who produces the fruit of the Spirit. Look for someone who loves Jesus. Learn from the fact that many in arranged marriages grow to deeply love each other; and don’t expect that you’ll feel wobbly in the knees as soon as your lay eyes on your future husband. Ask God for a husband, but also ask him to change your desires so that you will be open to the advances of a godly man, should they come.

To be honest, at this stage in my life I don’t feel much temptation to believe this lie. By the grace of God, both my parents are still alive and well, together with their respective spouses and a bunch of half- and step-siblings. But sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I’m much older. In my less trusting moments, I am afraid of getting old and lonely and having no-one to look after me. I’m sure many married people share this fear. As the late (and lifelong single) John Chapman pointed out, at least 50% of married people will face singleness again when their spouse dies.

Chappo taught me to change the way I think about family. In a sermon he gave many years ago in his home church, he pointed out that our Christian family supersedes our biological family, just as it did for Jesus (see Matt 12:46-50; 19:27-29).1 Chappo then said, “I am not going to be anybody’s grandfather… but in this family [indicating the congregation] I should expect lots of grandchildren… You and I are bound together in a family that takes precedence against our biological family.”2 Chappo’s expectations were well and truly met—during his last few days in this life, he had so many visitors to his hospital bed that one of the hospital staff commented, “He must have a big family!” What a moving testament to the blessing of being part of God’s family.

As children of God, we are part of a massive family. The challenge for all of us, in our individualistic culture, is to act like it.

Lie 8: It’s better to marry a non-Christian than stay single for life

Even though God’s family is huge, we’re all sinful and sometimes we do a terrible job of loving each other. Singleness can be a very painful and lonely experience. Some decide it’s better, in the end, to marry an unbeliever. Perhaps you are toying with this idea yourself at the moment.

Let me tell you, slowly so you hear me: It. Is. Not. Worth. It.

I know many women married to unbelieving men. Some of these women did not become Christian until after they got married. Others were Christian and married a non-Christian. Others have watched their Christian husbands walk away from Jesus. But not one of them would recommend choosing to marry a non-Christian while you still have a choice to make. Not one. Not the women who still trust Jesus, anyway. And here’s why.

If you marry a man who doesn’t know and love Jesus, here are your options:

• You will eventually walk away from Jesus yourself, as he becomes less and less important and relevant in your life and your husband becomes more important. And when you walk away from Jesus, you will have exchanged heaven for hell.
• Or you will keep trusting Jesus, but it will be difficult and lonely in at least some respects. I know a dear Christian lady whose husband no longer professes Christ, although he once did. But he’s happy for her to go to church, and he’s happy for her to give money to church (as long as he can spend the equivalent on whatever he likes!), and he loves her. As far as being married to an unbeliever, it’s about as good as you can get. But every week, she goes to church and Bible study on her own. She can’t share the most important part of her life with the man she loves. And, saddest of all, unless something changes between now and when her husband dies, she cannot look forward to standing with him before the throne of God in heaven for all eternity. He is going to another place.
• Or perhaps—perhaps—God will have mercy on you and save your husband once you’re married. But when you marry a non-Christian I think you probably make it harder for him to take Jesus seriously. Why would he, when you’re not taking Jesus seriously yourself? Of course, God is more powerful than your bad example, and he could still save your husband. But you have no guarantee that he will, and it’s certainly not something you can demand. Given the previous two options, why take the risk?

My dear sisters, if you are tempted to seek solace with a non-Christian, please don’t. Don’t even flirt with the idea. Don’t get into a situation where you will get emotionally involved and find it hard to think straight. Determine that you won’t give in to this temptation—even, or especially, if you don’t feel the temptation right now—and stick to your guns.

My favourite Jane Eyre quote springs to mind here. The man she loves is trying to persuade her to abandon her moral convictions and live with him, even though he already has a wife. She responds by saying:

“Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation; they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? … Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by; there I plant my foot.”3

Lie 9: It’s too hard to be single and you can’t keep on going

During the past couple of years, I’ve had two very sad conversations. One friend told me she isn’t sure how long she can keep going if she remains single. Another friend, when I mentioned this conversation to her, said, “I can relate”. For them, single life is just too hard and too lonely.

To be perfectly frank, part of me wants to just shake them and tell them to look around—there are harder things than being single. Personally, I’d rather stay single for life than go through divorce. Let’s not become blasé to the pain of divorce just because it’s so common. My heart breaks for women whose husbands have died. Some families live daily with incredible heartache and struggle because of illness or disability or poverty or tragedy. I think their struggles would be much harder than mine.

I also want these women to see how much they do have. They have good jobs. They have plenty of clothes, money and food. They are both in the top 2% of earners worldwide. They both have comfortable places to live—one has even managed to buy herself a unit.

But that’s not really the point. We each have our struggles, even if they aren’t as ‘bad’ as someone else’s. The grief of singleness is real and valid, and it comes from a very normal and healthy desire to be married. What we need is God, and the perspective that comes from reading his word.

Do you know how many calls there are in the New Testament to persevere and endure? No, neither do I—but it’s approximately a lot.4 This suggests that following Jesus in this world for a long time is not going to be easy. It may actually get even harder between now and when you meet him face to face. This is why I think there are also so many descriptions in the New Testament of the amazing things God has given us in Christ.5 We need to keep remembering what they are, because we forget so easily, and they are a big part of the motivation to endure anything and everything for the sake of Jesus who died for us. 2 Peter 1:3-12 puts it perfectly:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have.

Let us not be victims. It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you everything you need. Don’t let Satan convince you otherwise.

Dear sisters, let’s not be victims of Satan’s attacks. Let us not dare to be dissatisfied with all that the God of the universe has lovingly given us. Let us trust God in all areas of life, including this one. Let’s not be those who say to the God who will judge the living and the dead, “Give me what I want, or we’re through”.

For what they are worth, here are a few suggestions—not rules or commands—to help you endure.

• If your convictions feel a little shaky, figure out what it is that you’re not sure about, and go and do something about it. Read a Gospel. Read a book about Jesus’ death and resurrection.6 Work out what you’re not sure about, and talk about it with someone you trust.
• If you’ve stopped reading God’s word regularly, find someone to read it with you.
• Find someone at church who you can help—maybe there’s someone who could do with a home-cooked meal at the moment. If there are gaping empty lonely holes in your life, fill them up with serving your family. It honestly does help.
• Remember that you are not a powerless victim. You have the Holy Spirit. You have a Father God who made the entire universe, and who loves you, and who really does know what is best for you. Put 2 Peter 1:3-12 on your bedroom wall and read it every day.
• Find some way to be thankful for what you have. Keep a diary and write down one or two things each day for which you are grateful. Better yet: tell other people about them. You’ll remind yourself, and you’ll encourage others. Win-win!
• If you live on your own and you find yourself feeling constantly lonely, consider sharing with one or two others. I know this sounds abhorrent to some, especially if you’re used to living on your own. Living with others is hard, even if you all get on well. You have to compromise and you’re not in control of your environment. But being in a home with other people, even if you’re all in different rooms and not actually conversing, is very different to being in a home on your own. I genuinely don’t get lonely, and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t live on my own.

"sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!"

*If you have yet to vote on the poll on my side bar, do! No one will know it was you ;)*

"Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!" You've seen this before, yes?  It usually takes place on Facebook when a young lady has achieved what FB calls, "in a relationship" status. Its a statement frequently used by a woman who has just gone from being single to attached. C'mon, you know you've seen this :P I for one am thrilled when young men take the lead & fight for the girl they they have eyes for; winning her or achieve turning her head toward him. It truly calls for shooting Roman Candles off, wouldn't you say? Well, Its like hitting the jackpot!  I begin to pray for any new couple that decides to take the plunge & give it a go. Its wonderful! Its fabulous! Its worth shouting to the world! Its a beautiful thing. Period. :) Yay for guys sticking their neck out & taking that chance! 

That is my initial reaction until I see this status ~ "Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!"

  (As if every girl wished he were hers....)

The Ladies Reaction: 

1. What makes you think I want him?

2. He belongs to you, we already know that. 

3. How rude. 

The statement is presumptuous & hints at the idea that we all want  "your man" & that no one will ever measure up to him, because, well, he is the one & only perfect man & the rest of the ladies out there will only do sort of mediocre. :P I dunno, maybe I'm looking into this too much, but it gets me every time.

It is precious to think that he is the only one & that you are sorry that the rest of the ladies on earth cant have him & that no other man will ever  match up. Sure, its ok to think this way of your man, nothing wrong with that at all, but if you look a  bit deeper, its rather mean spirited. Did it ever occur to you that making such a statement would perhaps hurt some of your very own girl friends? Could it be that bragging in such a way may just be a bit too painful to a woman who has been waiting with no near future of getting a man or married for that matter? It truly is heart-wrenching for some ladies. I know plenty. 

I've seen a few gals say such bragging statements many times...... heartless to not be thinking of your single friends who wish they too had a man in their life, someone to share the days with & someone to build a life with.  Some of these gals that are hurting are not necessarily young, but well into their 30's.  Now I know not everyone agrees with me on this, or perhaps I'm being a bit  harsh  or overly sensitive in this area.... maybe I am. Still, I don't think its being sensitive to those ladies who desire to be in your place & have to be constantly reminded that you have a guy & they don't. And please don't think its jealousy, that's pride too. Thinking to highly of oneself can cause self deception. I see it all the time & if you are honest, you do to. We are all capable of falling into that trap. 

Other such statements I have witnessed may go something like this: "Marriage is so wonderful & fun, I wish everyone could be as happy as me." Well, we certainly are happy for you! Yet, there is no denying that its hurtful to some ladies. Should you change your wording to protect the hurting gal who so desperately wants to be married to the love of her life? Could it be that the single lady who is waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet is having her own issues & shouldn't be so overly offended? Of course, I'm sure that is very true, yet coming across as if you are the only happy person in the world because you found a guy to love you is fabulous, but to sound as if its the ONLY way to be happy is false &  a constant slap to a woman who is waiting.

Marriage is a beautiful thing & certainly a happy time to finally live life with your dream man. Happiness doesn't come from others, not even your man, its a choice. We all know this. 

What about the notion: "Now that I am married, I have arrived! I have all the answers now & you do not." This happens to many. Talk to these ladies in waiting 10 yrs from now & then they will listen, but aint nobody listenin' if you are new at this, see? Bottom line is you have a lot to learn & it doesn't happen the minute you say, "yes."  So, give these ladies a break :) And I say this with concern & a smile. Its a bit ridiculous to think that one has it all together just because they have entered wedded bliss. I know many young single ladies that have grown through trials that perhaps a married woman has never seen! Some of the single gals I know are much farther ahead spiritually than their counter parts. Singleness doesn't make you stupid, it grows you & makes you sharp. It grows your relationship with the Lord. Some of the strongest Christians I know are single.  A single person has more to offer in my opinion, because they had to get through with only the Lord's help. No one but the Lord & that person. Its not about being married, its about growing where you're at & teaching others gently through it. Take a step back each & every time you think you have all the answers to life's puzzles. It may even humble you to seek wisdom from a single person, they have so much to offer. You may be surprised ;)

You might as well say, "Sorry ladies, you have no chance & I'm sorry you are still single, but this is all about me & I'm happy & I have the best man in the world. I mean, I'm super special, because he picked ME. If a man did come into your life, he will have to do. You're not married & you don't know what I am talking about & you certainly cannot achieve the happiness I feel" Yikes! It sounds a lot worst reworded this way, doesn't it? But, when you say such direct, hurtful statements, check your heart, perhaps its really what you meant to say. I'm sure your thinking, "WHAT?" "All I meant was just that, that I'm the happiest woman in the world & I love my man!" Perhaps. And I certainly hope so.

I translate it this way each & every time I see those pompous words: "Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!" Be lady like, think of others & don't be so prideful. You don't know who you are hurting in the process. It may be an older gal who has been just hoping & waiting & is happy for you, but is just a bit discouraged. Be gentle, help her out in her grief; be an encouragement to her instead. It could be a gal who was in a relationship, but that relationship didn't work out & she is hurting & working through her broken shattered heart. You just don't know. This shouldn't discount the fact that you shouldn't share your happiness with everyone, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, if you are going to say such things, choose your words wisely & please stop repeating it over & over ~  it is ugly & prideful. Oh, & please don't forget, you were single once too. 

Patrizia

What are your thoughts on this? 

Have I taken this too far? 

Do you agree or disagree?

Have these statements every bothered you? 

when God makes you wait

Waiting  can be difficult, there is no doubt  about it. I chose this article for my single readers who are  tired of waiting for that right person to come  along, maybe even wanting to throw in the towel. Its difficult to watch everyone around you in some sort of relationship thinking,  "will this ever happen to me?"  How long will I have to wait? Well, whether you're single or not or if its something  else you are waiting for, I hope this blesses you :)

When God Makes You Wait

 Anna Bachinsky

Jesus could have come and healed Lazarus when he was still alive.

Instead, He waited to raise him from the dead when he was already in his grave.

God could have made David become king the day after he was anointed.

Instead, He waited 15 years to rise to the throne, many of those years spent fearing for his life, hiding out and running away from his own father-in-law.

God could have spoken to Moses in the desert about sending him to help free His people from slavery 40 days after he ran away from Egypt.

Instead, He made him wait for 40 long years.

God could have gotten Joseph out of prison one year after he was sentenced there.

Instead, he was stuck in that dungeon for 10 years before he was finally set free.

God could have given Abraham the son He promised him when he was still a young man.

Instead, He waited until he was 100 years old and because of physical reasons would have a more difficult time conceiving at that age.

God could have answered prayers and met the needs of these men of God much quicker, but He didn’t.

He made them wait instead.

And He often makes us do the same.

He makes us wait for healing to come after we’ve been praying for years and there is no sign of recovery.

He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.

He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.

He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.

He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.

That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.

That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.

But He doesn’t.

He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.

Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.

Abraham without a child for 100 years.

David on the run for 15 years.

And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith.

To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.

To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.

To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck in the background somewhere, doing seemingly nothing too significant for Him.

To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.

See… sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life.

It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him.

It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”.

That we grow in faith.

That we learn to only depend on Him.

What are you waiting for today?

What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?

What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?

I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.

He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.

If He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.

If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.

If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter  your promised land tomorrow.

If He is not healing you or bringing you victory today, maybe it’s because you will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.

Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.

Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.

Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.

Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.

Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.

He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.

Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.

He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage , and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait , I say, on the LORD.

 Psalm 27:14