To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question :) K, I'm not going to give my opinion here, although I have one ;) but a very interesting topic indeed. I found some articles & such on the web, but only took certain excerpts that I found interesting enough to share. Some of the things I read were pretty funny, some crude. Most of my search had to do with a Christian perspective on kissing before marriage, waiting for that final moment when the vows are said & you are now Mr. & Mrs. & then the crescendo, "you may kiss the bride." Fireworks!!!
These are just blurbs.... So, with that in mind.... read on!
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* "My fiance told me shes against kissing before marriage. I am not sure how to approach this with her. Its not a sin in the Bible to kiss. I do realize it can lead to other tempting things. But, it doesn't mean you should avoid it. I might go out of the house & be tempted by any number of things, but I still go out. I love being romantic, which means I love kissing."
* "You do it by having affection before the wedding. The courtship is not just a "get-to-know-you" period, but the beginning of a wholly-relating lifestyle for LIFE. Sexuality does not start at the altar, rather when they first lay eyes on each other. Its not a black/white sequence but a graduated increase of closeness, touching, affection that culminates in the ultimate of trust, promise, & embrace at the wedding day."
* "My fiance & I are saving our first kiss for after we are married, & it has been a very good thing in our relationship."
* "I could never be with somebody who didn't believe in pre-marital kissing. What are we, afraid of cooties, or what? The Bible even says, "Greet one another with a holy KISS"! People go a little too far with their witch-hunts & sin-finding."
* "Kissing is a seal of marriage. Two people kiss on their wedding day to symbolize the bond of marriage. Do you really want to give up that seal at the front door?
* Kissing also requires commitment, real commitment. As does any form of touching in a romantic relationship. You cant just give it away, because you think the young man you're with expects it of you. You cant give it away, because you're 99.9% sure that you'll marry him one day. You're supposed to save that for marriage specifically, not the few months before your wedding day.
* Emotional attachment is one thing, but physical attachment is easier to fall into. The fantasy of it can distract you from the reality that God wants you to have boundaries. Never forget, the more you save for marriage, the more special things you'll have to share with your spouse."
* "Kissing is part of the sexual experience & says I love you."
* "Additionally, those who wait until marriage enjoy a tremendous level of sharing & exchange of trust. It may start off awkward in the marriage, but that's ok. You have years ahead to perfect it. But before marriage, you still go through that with someone. With waiting, you go through it with your partner, its exclusive & private & yours as a couple, & neither one has shared with someone else, its really, really special."
1. Is it ok to kiss before marriage?
2. Whats the big deal, does it really matter?
3. Its totally fine, here's why.......
I was happy to see this post! This is something I'm still not sure about, though I'm leaning more toward the don't-kiss-till-you're-married side. For one thing, I think if a couple kisses before their marriage it creates other temptations. And I have heard of the benefits of saving your first kiss for your wedding day. :) Thanks, Patrizia!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. :D A subject I've been brewing over for some time...will get back with this when I am concrete here. :D
ReplyDeleteVery good post here... As a married lady who waited to kiss until marriage, you can obviously see where I stand. :-) My husband and I are SO thankful that we've never kissed anyone besides each other. Now every single little kiss feels special and exclusive to us. Andrew was in one other relationship before ours (which didn't last very long, but could defninitely have left him with emotional and physical baggage if he hadn't held to his convictions) and I am so thankful that he remained pure even in kissing; that, as his wife, I know he is "all mine" and that the only individual I need share his heart with is God. I know several Godly couples that haven't waited to kiss at the alter and also couple who were even more restricted than Andrew and me before marriage (not even touching). I think there is a fine balance of not being afraid to be near each other (having confidence in Christ and His strength; hence Andrew and I held hands and hugged each other after we were engaged) and also knowing that we are all imperfect beings and there is a special thing in only sharing your body with one person (and in comes the waiting to kiss and crossing the threshhold into other sexual activities).
ReplyDeleteThose are my thoughts... :-) Thanks for bringing up this much-debated subject.
God bless!
Rachel
Very very very good post. My family believes (and I do personally) that waiting until marriage for the first kiss is important, and something special to wait for. Kissing before marriage can lead to temptation, and it is better to stay away from that completely. Also the thought of saving yourself for the one you marry--even if you are engaged, it is so much more special and poignant and powerful to wait until you are married. Saving yourself--all of you--until marriage is so special. Even the thought, "They saved themselves for me all their life." (yes, it is very romantic. *ahem*) but it is so true. :) Such a powerful thought, though.
ReplyDeleteSo, I don't believe kissing before marriage is wrong, as long as the relationship stays pure, but I prefer to save my first kiss for my husband on my wedding day; something you have kept safe until the right time and right person comes along to share it with. :)
Anyway. Those are my rambling and jumbled thoughts on the subject. ;) Very good post, Mrs. Ferrar! I always enjoy the challenging thoughts and encouragement that your posts provide. :)
Blessings!
Mikailah
Good post, good things to think about! I tried to be brief, but obviously wasn't. =P Sorry!
ReplyDeleteI spend a pretty good chunk of my middle/early high school years in a church that was very "strict" on no kissing/physical contact before marriage, so even though we're not at that church anymore, that is what I grew up with.
I think it is important to realize how much contact you can have without being led into temptation. This is a good thing to be in agreement on even before a courtship becomes too serious, because it can be a sticky situation for some. The guy may want to kiss, the girl not, and vice versa. I could be wrong, but I wondering if guys are more open to some limited physical contact before marriage? I know a lot of girls who are big into the " no contact/kissing before marriage at all", because of books they've read, I do not know enough guys to know if this is the case with them too. Curios about it, I think it could go both ways.
I do think it is something to consider, and think about, it is a big deal with some people, though it really comes down to your convictions and what you feel comfortable doing.
Personally, I think kissing has really lost it's special-ness (sp?)because it's become "common place", especially in movies. I've noticed that a lot of people remember their first kiss, but not the later ones as much, almost as if it's just something to do whenever you're in a relationship. When you're dating, you're just waiting for when the guy will kiss you. But what if that relationship dissolves? Then you've just given away your first kiss to someone you won't be marrying.
Excessive kissing, hugging, hand-holding just doesn't seem quite right, a little is okay, but when it's done a lot I'm just not sure if that is the best. If nothing else, it takes some of the special-ness out of the relationship before you're actually married ( because you're doing something a married couple would normally do)
I won't really give my opinion yet, because it takes more thought than just doing or not doing it.
Well said once again Samatha!
ReplyDeleteI don't think kissing before marriage is a sin, BUT it can lead temptation to so more and possibly lust which IS a sin. For me I'd rather not take the chance like Mikailah said.
I personally want to wait until the alter for the first kiss. I think if a couple does decide to kiss before the marriage is should at least be after the engagement when a commitment (even if it is not final yet) has been made.
I agree that waiting until the alter just makes everything more special knowing that you are the very first and last girl or guy to be kissed by your spouse. :)
I absolutely believe it is essential to talk before a courtship about and agree upon the physical boundaries for the courtship!
So many good thoughts here and I agree it's not a simple thing to answer. Any decision that is made either way should not be made based on rules but on the conviction of each person's heart, for it is the heart that we God will judge us by. Another question is what if the person you are courting/dating has already kissed someone else before? How does that (if it does) effect things in the relationship?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sir Joshua's statement:
ReplyDelete"Any decision that is made either way should not be made based on rules but on the conviction of each person's heart, for it is the heart that God will judge us by"
It is SO easy to do things because your church says so, or your pastor, or your friends, or family. While it's good to listen to them if you have questions, or you trust their wise counsel, you will ultimately be the one that has to live with the consequences, whether good or bad. For some us us, we may have people question why we choose to not do certain things before marriage, like kiss, when it's considered the "norm". We need to be firm in our convictions and not be swayed by what others say or think. Not easy to do, but you won't regret it. On the flipside, you may have grown up being taught to never have any physical contact before marriage. You need to be firm in your convictions and know exactly what you feel God ( not anyone else) is calling you to do or not do in the relationship.
My husband is the only man I ever kissed, and I kissed him plenty of times before we got married. I do know many people who wait to kiss till they get married, and I highly respect their decision....and I also know people who are strongly pressured by their church and parents not to kiss till they are married, so they lie and say their first kiss was on their wedding day when it wasn't, in order not to disappoint their family. So in some ways, I am disappointed with the effect of placing an extreme amount of importance on not kissing till the wedding day. Plus, for me personally, I was already pretty nervous to be standing in front of a crowd...getting my first kiss in front of a crowd would have been far too nerve-wracking.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was my first kiss and to me, that is still special. I also wasn't his first kiss, because he was not raised in a conservative Christian home and wasn't raised with the same ideas of courtship that I was. And you know what? I'm still glad I married him. It would have been too bad if I chose to say no to my beautiful, strong Christian marriage because I couldn't get over the fact that my husband wasn't taught any better than to date casually. I wholeheartedly advocate courtship...but sometimes I think that courtship and purity are taught so strongly that there is no room left for grace and forgiveness in relationships. I'm not my husband's first girlfriend, but I am his wife, and it is an excellent thing to be the wife of a Godly man.
Oo, oo, ooo! I just found your blog and I love your willingness to discuss these topics pertinent to being a young lady.
ReplyDeleteI really feel that it depends on each couple and their situations. Part of the beauty of courtship and marriage is getting to know that special-someone, discussing issues, and then settling into a unity of thought.
At least I think that will be special!
Hi, Frannie! So glad you stopped in :) Welcome! Thank you for sharing, hope you come back to visit :)
ReplyDeleteblessings!
Wow! You all have had some great thoughts on this! But what I love the most is the graciousness shown to others- because there are TONS of different viewpoints reading this blog! Thank you for choosing your words wisely so as to make your point with a graciousness that is Christ-like. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree PrincessR, it's great to be on a forum where different opinions can be expressed with out people being argumentative or disrespectful! :)
ReplyDelete