Paper Mache : love at first sight

Sunday, March 17, 2013

love at first sight

Love at first sight

The ancient Greeks called this romantic tropetheia mania (madness from the gods), linking it to the whole "Cupid's arrow" thing. And in medieval texts. the gaze of a beautiful woman is compared to the sight of a basilisk.

Is there a such thing as "love at first sight?" Is this possible? What do you think? Im sure you have heard it before or maybe have even said it yourself: "I saw her/him & it was love at first sight."

I found the article below on my search......

Does "love at first sight" really happen

Many people today believe that love is something that simply happens and that one has no control over this emotion. Those who accept this perspective believe "love at first sight" is proof of their understanding.

The Bible, however, gives a different description of love. In passages such as 1 Cor. 13; we find that love is a choice and a commitment. Godly love grows and endures through adversity. Godly love focuses on what is good for the other person as opposed to just one's self. Godly love develops over time.

In light of the Bible's teaching, we have to conclude that "love at first sight" is more often attraction (and sometimes lust) with a focus on oneself as opposed to godly love.

Today, if a guy and girl meet and are attracted to each other, that meeting is simply the starting point for developing a relationship that may lead to an enduring, biblical type of love.

hmmm... sounds good enough, if the Word of God says so, then it must be. However, I have known people in my years who fell in love the minute they set their eyes on that person, and have lived happily ever after with 60+ yrs to prove it.

1. So, is it really love? Or just the beginning of attraction grown into deep love? What do you think?

2. Can there be a magnetic attraction that can be mistaken as love or is it really love?

3. Is there a such thing as instant love at first sight?

4. What about The Song of Solomon, any thoughts?

27 comments:

AnonymousMarch 17, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Great post! Another one of my romance "pet-peeves" =)

1. So, is it really love? Or just the beginning of attraction grown into deep love? What do you think?

I do believe many times it is the latter, an attraction which then, once the couple gets to know each other better, deepens into love.
I would say more than likely it is an infatuation first, but it very likely could turn into a wonderful romance/marriage/true love.

2. Can there be a magnetic attraction that can be mistaken as love or is it really love?
A lot of crushes/infatuations start by a girl/guy saying "Ooh, he/she is SO beautiful/cute/handsome/adorable, etc.
I would probably term it rather as an attraction or crush which then could very well turn into true love once the couple knows each other better. However, many times it stays at just that, a crush or infatuation, many times with the way the person may look or outwardly act, instead of the true heart/character

3. Is there a such thing as instant love at first sight?
I'd say no, but then again there are the people ( usually older couples) that I've heard about who loved each other from the first sight, were married within a month, lived together happily for 60+ years. So I wouldn't wouldn't give a definite no...

4. What about The Song of Solomon, any thoughts?
I haven't read through this entire book in quite some time, but that is an interesting thing to think about.

I could give several movie examples of love at first sight, though I won't go into detail, because then this would be a very long comment!
But if you've ever seen "Wives and Daughters", that has a love-at-first example (or what the guy THOUGHT was love at first sight), as well as "Under the Greenwood Tree" (which I can't recommend because I never finished it) had a roll-eyes worthy love at first sight scene. The guy literally forgot where he was and stood staring speechlessly up into the window where the girl had been, all while standing and getting covered in snow. Seriously? Some may think it was romantic, but I didn't. It was a bit silly. =P
It's big in movies, though.
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Hannah BartaMarch 17, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Hmm . . . I heard of one instance where the woman and man *knew* for a fact they would be husband & wife eventually. But I don't know that you could call that "love at first sight." I think *true love* is about action and sacrifice. So I guess I have to say I don't exactly believe in love at first sight . . . just attraction. Although in the case of that lady and gentleman, if they had already committed to one another *before* meeting, and then saw each other and knew, I guess that might qualify. . . . This is hard! :)
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AlexandraMarch 17, 2013 at 3:40 PM
YAY! Another favorite topic.

Absolutely believe in love at first sight. A full, deep love that comes from knowing someone deeply and intimately? No. But a definite attraction, a kind of "click"...absolutely. I don't know why some people would give it a bad rap - among girlfriends we can say "she and I just instantly clicked" and it's ok, but put that in a guy/girl relationship and it's suddenly wrong. Pet peeve. ;)

And yes, attraction often starts with looks...which isn't necessarily a wrong thing. I am leery about labeling it as "lust"...because lust is a sin, and finding someone attractive, a very natural reaction that God wired in us, is not a sin. Especially in the case of men - whether we like it or not, most guys' initial attraction to a girl is going to be the way she looks. And there's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. Sure, it can go too far, but to instantly label attraction as lust...not good. (Not saying *you're* saying this, BTW. Just pointing out. :))

Sure, you can mistake attraction for love. But I don't think we should rule out someone's feelings just because they don't follow "the rules" of "all love must be slow and based entirely on character" like some people teach. God doesn't work inside the box in relationships, and the area of love is just the same - different for everyone!

Song of Solomon! Probably my favorite book of the Bible. Read many many times. ;) Absolutely love it...such a gorgeous portrayal of a beautiful relationship the way God wants it - passionate, completely consumed with each other, and unashamed of the fact! And so many instances in there that refute a lot of hard and fast legalistic "courtship/betrothal" rules...which I love. Because I love proving legalism wrong. Hehe. ;)

(And clarifying that I mean legalism in the sense that most people use it, blah blah... ;))
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AlexandraMarch 17, 2013 at 5:43 PM
Flippy - yup, yup! I hate to use the word since technically legalism refers to "keeping rules for salvation's sake"...but it's the one people associate most with "extra-Biblical rules" (although with some people I've met you might as well count those rules as salvation make-or-breaking. :/). But yes, exactly. :)
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AlexandraMarch 17, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Oh, and Mrs. F...have you read The Way of a Man with a Maid by Robin Phillips? HIGHLY recommended. I read it right after I broke off my relationship and I couldn't agree more with his thoughts on the hyper-courtship/betrothal process. I figured from the posts on your blog that you might be interested in it. :)

http://atgsociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/WMM.pdf

Of course, there are one or two areas I'm not in 100% agreement with, but it's a FABULOUS book. Wish there were more out there like it!
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Sir Joshua DavidMarch 18, 2013 at 8:57 AM
This is a very good subject and one in which I haven't decided on yet myself. I would have to say agree with the ladies above though and say that there is at least attraction at first sight. Now there is a question, can a person be in love with someone that they are not attracted to? I mean if biblical love is really about self sacrifice an commitment then couldn't too people grow in love over time (thinking of arranged marriages for example)?
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AlexandraMarch 18, 2013 at 9:39 AM
While there have been many cases of arranged marriages that have ended in love, I don't think it's worth risking both the guy and the girl's happiness like so many advocate in the betrothal circles. I've seen this example used too many times to justify a lack of emotional connection between a couple, because after all, "real love isn't about butterflies, it's about commitment."

While the biblical example of commitment and self-sacrifice is definitely a facet of love, I hesistate to slap the label of "Biblical love" on it as if it's the only legitimate kind of love - it just makes it sound like attraction and the butterflies of the beginnings of love are carnal. God created all facets of love and called it good - even the deep physical (dare I say s_xual) attraction that we too often like to bash (Song of Solomon, as we mentioned earlier! :)). I'm not saying that was your intention at all, Joshua David, but a lot of Christians in general can be at fault in this area. The kind of love you described is truly one of the deepest and most beautiful kinds of love, to be sure, but it's not the only kind. :)

So for me personally after being faced with the idea of marriage to someone I didn't love, I do take that into account, but it's too great of a risk for me to take. As one of my favorite pins on Pinterest says, "Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them."
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Joshua HurtMarch 18, 2013 at 10:46 AM
It's a good question. I would be of the persuasion that love at first sight does happen. The problem is that our language doesn't allow for the different sort of loves that exist. So love at first sight is often a form of phileo love and not the kind born of time and effort.

(To define phileo, “to have a special interest in someone or something, frequently with focus on close association; have affection for, like, consider someone a friend.”)

The issue is the stigma that goes with "Love at first sight". It is often considered to be unstable and weak. But why the stigma?

I mean, love is not a fragile or delicate thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. That belief comes from Greek philosophy that was influenced by the pagan deity of Eros (Not to be confused with erotic love).
According to the Greco/Roman belief, love was this euphoric experience that was only kept alive by continued passion and excitement. When that fizzled, love was dead.

The kind of love that we Christians have living in us because of the Spirit of Christ,the kind that has existed since before time, is the Person of love. God Himself.

His love, as it is the only True love, is so powerful, that not even death or sin could overcome it. From The Person of Love comes all other 'kinds' of love that we experience. Just as the branches of the tree originate with the root.

Still, the stigma comes because the kind of "love" that is generally experienced at first sight, is the emotional high that is born from our coming in contact with things that please us in the material. Now that is not wrong in and of its self but it is dangerous if you rely on that "feeling" to determine your course of action.

Since, however, God created us as physical creations that experience the world in a sensual and emotional way, love at first sight, (for a child of God) could be the Lord's leading by using the created order to invoke interest. So it is important to not write off an interest just because it happened fast and made you get butterflies in your stomach.

Still, the important thing to drill into your head is that the euphoric cognizance of first love will not remain. It will burn out, but from those ashes, if the Lord has lead you into a deeper relationship with the person, will arise the phoenix of complete love. All four loves combined into one. And that is the goal after all... To love like Christ.

I agree with Sir Joshua (Love the name by the way ;). Love, the Bible proves, does not need to be proceeded by an eros/phileo moment. Because Biblical love is strong enough to believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. Love never fails. (Paraphrase 1Cor 13)

Still, I personally would want to be attracted to the one that I married in a euphoric way first. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't even consider a girl that I am not "wowed" by at first sight.

So all that rambling to say,
Attraction-at-first-sight-that-has-the-potential-to-grow-into-a-much-deeper-love.... Total believer.

Magnetic attraction mistaken for love... I can think some one looks hot and be attracted to them but know that it wouldn't go any where due to personality etc...

Instant love at first sight: Yep... not as much as the instant attraction but it happens.

Song of Solomon... Good book but I prefer Judges and Kings ;)

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AnonymousMarch 19, 2013 at 8:23 AM
It would be very hard for me to enter into a relationship if there was no physical attraction. Some people have done it, and I think ultimately the character of the other person really caused them to see them in a different light, which led to true love, which doesn't focus on the outward but the inward.
I also think it could be possible to not be attracted to someone at first, but as you get to know them you find them attractive, even if to the world's eyes they are just average or below average in looks. I consider many of my friends to be beautiful because the love of Christ shines through them. To the worlds' eyes they may not look "drop dead gorgeous", but to me they are pretty because of their beautiful spirit. I think sometimes us girls who aren't noticed as much, or consider ourselves exceptionally pretty need to realize that that beauty isn't everything. The heart is what matters and if you're heart is right with God then the right guy will think you beautiful and fall in love with you just at the right time. As Amy March said, "You don't need scores of suitors. You need only one... if he's the right one." ;)
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Sir Joshua DavidMarch 20, 2013 at 8:42 AM
Good thoughts thanks for answering my question folks. Where I stand on this is I think I could fall in love with someone that I'm not physically attracted to, but the person would have to be a true Christian. To me it's the person's heart and their walk with God that is the biggest attraction, I've never been someone that cared that much about a girls outside appearance (it made me sick when I would hear guys at college rating girls on their appearances. Ugh!).

Well said Smanatha I especially agree with
"I also think it could be possible to not be attracted to someone at first, but as you get to know them you find them attractive, even if to the world's eyes they are just average or below average in looks. I consider many of my friends to be beautiful because the love of Christ shines through them. To the worlds' eyes they may not look "drop dead gorgeous", but to me they are pretty because of their beautiful spirit. I think sometimes us girls who aren't noticed as much, or consider ourselves exceptionally pretty need to realize that that beauty isn't everything. The heart is what matters and if you're heart is right with God then the right guy will think you beautiful and fall in love with you just at the right time. As Amy March said, "You don't need scores of suitors. You need only one... if he's the right one." ;) "

That summarizes my point very well. :)
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AlexandraMarch 20, 2013 at 8:48 AM
Great points. Let me clarify that by "attraction" I don't mean that I have to think the guy is gorgeous the first time I see him. :) Personality and a person's heart makes them attractive, and I've known many cases where I didn't think a person was that attractive until I got to know them, and all of a sudden...wow, what was wrong with me? kind of thing. :) Anyway. Just to clarify. :)
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