Well, the hot topic on FB right now is focused on a new documentary: Unmarried Movie
My blog has much to do with relationships & every day living, so I thought I would share the video & also share the questions that were posed on their FB page with in case you'd like to follow them. Good stuff!
We have talked about this topic in our family for years now & I just find it so neat that someone else sees as we do.
It has been our observation as a family that more & more young people are choosing singleness over Gods plan for marriage. More surprising is how very real this is in the home schooling realm as well.
I've touched on this below in another blog post.
Anyhow, without going over it again, Ill post the questions here for you to see & please feel free to answer them, but I wont share the answers given on FB, youll have to follow that page to see them :) I'd like to hear from you & your honest opinion about the questions asked.
1. Can unmarried guys and girls be "just friends" (without emotions developing?)
2. As a young single woman, how do you behave toward a young, single man?
3. Young men, how do you know if a young lady is interested in being more than "just friends?"
4. Men, would you say that many young ladies today are aggressive and pushy towards the guys?
Now, I do realize that most of my followers are ladies....I also understand that #1 will be the hot button. I can go on & on about this topic & pick it apart a million times over, but I'm going to leave it up to you this time :)
Also, you can answer # 3 & 4 even though it is directed to men just by asking yourself how do you show or should you show a young man that you are interested in being more than just "friends." & of course #4 Do the young men in your life think that you are too pushy? Is that behavior ok or should it be more controlled?
~ Gen. 29:20 ~
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
Hi Patrizia!
ReplyDeleteAs a married lady, I will answer these questions to the best of my ability... taking into account how I acted as a single lady and how I treat my brothers in Christ now that I am married. :-)
1. Yes, I believe that guys and girls can be "just friends". Many of my close friends are men. I truly respect them and treasure those relationships. Two young men in particular come to mind that I have been very good friends with and absolutely nothing romantic has ever been between us. It really is great to have a level-headed guy to talk to (especially when you feel overwhelmed by how crazy and emotional your girlfriends are... just like you!). :-)
2. Treat him like you would treat anyone else. Don't behave in a way that would be considered inappropriate (flirting and the like). Remember that he is most likely someone else's future husband and respect the feelings of whoever that future wife my be (just imagine how you'd feel if you knew some girl was flirting with your husband and keep that perspective).
3. I'll skip this one and hope that some young men will answer!
4. Honestly, and sadly, I DO believe that many young women are pushy towards young men (in moments of weakness I have struggled with it as well). Learning to be meek, patient, and gentle doesn't come naturally to many women (myself included). It is something that we have to continue to recognize in ourselves and remain humble students as the Lord teaches us how to become true women of God.
Thanks for this post and all you write about, Patrizia! God bless!
Rachel
Rachel, you always have good things to say :) thank you for responding. Im so happy you are married! How beautiful & thrilling for you! He is good to provide. I thank you for your brutal honesty about the pushiness in girls, I agree with you.
DeleteI love how you say "patient" as part of what a girl should be. So true, I wish I would have thought of it. Not being pushy, but patient. If the young man is for you, he will move, yes?
a blessing you are, Rachel! Thank you :)
Let's see if I can answer these semi-briefly. =)
ReplyDelete1. Can unmarried guys and girls be "just friends" (without emotions developing?)
Yes, I think so. If both the guy and the girl are committed to remaining emotionally/physically pure and waiting for God's chosen one in their life, then I think they can just view each other as brothers/sisters in Christ and not another guy/girl to get attached to emotionally. Emotions MAY develop, especially if you are attracted to one another, but I think if you both have the right mindset for the most part you could be friends without being emotionally attached, especially if you know that not every guy/girl that comes across your path is "the one". You could know 10 girls or guys and not a single one of them would be God's match for you, so if you view them as someone already chosen by God for someone else, it helps to keep emotions in check.
2. As a young single woman, how do you behave toward a young, single man?
Definetly not by being flirty, loud, silly, etc. Girls do that ALL the time! For me, I actually struggle with being too quiet around guys, or not knowing how to interact with them exactly. I wasn't around many guys my age until the last 7 ( or less ) years, and most were "just my brother's friends". I think, though, that if you show a genuine interest in them, act mature, ask them questions about things they like, LISTEN ( most girls want to do all the talking!) and just act yourself you can go a long way in being friendly, but not overally so.
3. Young men, how do you know if a young lady is interested in being more than "just friends?"
I'll let the guys answer this one. =)
4. Men, would you say that many young ladies today are aggressive and pushy towards the guys?
I'm not a guy, but I do notice that a lot of girls are flirty with guys. I've seen gatherings of guys and girls and am disappointed in the way they act/treat each other. I wouldn't necessarly call it aggressive or pushy, but I do notice a lot of flirting, hanging on the guys, acting silly, etc. Annoying to me, and I'm sure very annoying to the guys.
I'm really enjoying these posts, Patrizia! They are helping me a lot with the questions I'm dealing with right now in regards to guy/girl relationships.
Samantha
Thank you, Samantha! Love the responses! You know, I do think it does make a difference if a girl has opportunities to be in many social settings, some cannot, this I know. Every girl has different experiences as the Lord allows. I agree with you that girls can be over board with the talking & not do much listening. So true.
DeleteWe have never tolerated hanging on guys. We are blessed to have daughters who understand this & we have never had a problem with it. Silliness can be unattractive too. Pushiness in my opinion should never be an option.
I went to an all girl high school, so I know girls well. I know how they operate, our goal as women in Christ is to do the very opposite of what I had learned, I want my daughters to be different. Im sure some young men are annoyed, but Im sure there are those who enjoy the attention.
You have a good head on your shoulder. Your parents must be very blessed to have you.
Thank you for blessing me today :)
I'm going to copy off my comments from the Unmarried Movie Facebook page. :)
ReplyDeleteCan guys and girls be "just friends"?
Having only daughters has encouraged my parents to pursue opportunities for my sister's and I to interact with the opposite gender. I have been socializing in mixed group settings for as long as I can remember. A lot of people think that not having brothers is a misfortune; I beg to differ. Not having brothers, but having many male friends I consider brothers in Christ, has helped me not only to evaluate character in men, but to distinguish between interest and simply friendship. I openly admit that I'd rather be friends with guys--they are honest, aren't catty, and there are no airs or pressure. However I don't make it a habit to become very (as in on a deep, personal level,) close with most of them. It can be emotionally dangerous.
So, can guys and girls be friends? Yes. However, very, very close friendships should be avoided, especially if the girl KNOWS she is not interested. I think I can safely say that by lighthearted but friendly conversation and socializing, most of my male friends. . .are simply that. Friends. And I'm confident that I haven't given them reason to feel any differently about me.
Ladies--be friendly, but be careful. Don't give away your heart, and please, don't play with "his".
Also, as a side note, who's to say that God hasn't PLANTED the attraction felt in some friendships? "Feelings" for a friend of the opposite sex don't have to be inappropriate. There has to be attraction between a man and woman at some point (it's natural and necessary.) That "friend" may be your future spouse! It's what we do with our emotions. . .and the motive behind all our interaction with the opposite gender.
Last but not least (and a totally different topic, ;))--why are guys so afraid to pursue? I've heard all sorts of excuses: "I'm not good enough for anyone." "Her standards are too high." "She's controlled by her dad." Etc, etc. WHY wouldn't a guy want to marry a girl with high standards? And if standards are "too high", why are these young gentlemen "looking" in so-called "conservative" circles in the first place? A lot of Christian men (from my observation) want a nice, pretty, 50's style baby-in-one-hand-rolling pin-in-the-other housewife. But they themselves don't want any responsibility. They are afraid of rejection, which is a legitimate fear--HOWEVER its a man's DUTY to pursue. Not a ladies. All to often girls become desperate and go after the guy. I've seen it again and again. . .it's one thing to be interested in someone. . .its another to take over the man's Biblical role. Just my two cents.
And hey, if my dad "controls" me--I'm perfectly happy with the arrangement. I am still under his roof and EXPECT him to give me guidance and advice.
These are very good questions and are something I'm starting to ask myself. When I get a chance to actually sit down wit some solid time I will write up my answer to these questions in another comment. :) I would like to add that I really appreciate your posts and you having your blog as a forum for this topic as it is something that has been on my mind for some years now! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Josh! And you add so much more by commenting. It means so much to hear what a man has to say about these things. Thank you!
DeleteYou're welcome, it's my pleasure. :)
DeleteI agree with Joshua David- it's wonderful getting to hear the opinion of others! It really encourages me to hear from other people on this topic.
ReplyDeleteYES! :)
DeleteOkay, it's been almost a month but I'm finally going try to answer these questions. :)
ReplyDelete1. Can unmarried guys and girls be "just friends" (without emotions developing?)
This is a tough question and I think would have to be broken into two categories. The first being a unmarried guy and girl that are not both in the same page spiritually (one a Christian the other not) then I'd say yes (for me at least) there is not emotions developing and the can be just friends. The other would be if the two are on the same page spiritually then it's a more complicated situation and takes more guarding of ones emotions and heart (and even then crushes can happen). I can't honestly say that I have been good friends with a girl without having at least a small crush on her. I could go on longer with subject but I'll move on the the next question. haha
2. As a young single woman, how do you behave toward a young, single man?
Since I'm not a single women I can't answer this question myself but I can say how I think a single women should behave around a single man (at it's basically what you ladies have said above). Just be yourself, I can't speak for other guys but I just like to get to know people (guys and gals) for who they are, what they like to do and what they think about topics ect. I expect them to behave as they would with their brothers or anyone else, it can be so frustrating for a guy when he tries to talk to her and she either gets either flirty or just clams up and won't say hardly anything.
Okay, again I'll leave it at that and move on. :)
3. Young men, how do you know if a young lady is interested in being more than "just friends?"
This is a very good and tricky question. I'd say the only safe way to know is if she tells you are someone that knows her tells you that she is. To think she want to be more than friends in any other way is to assume without knowing for sure. That being said if a young women where to give me a lot of individual attention trying to talk to me and she doesn't usually do that to other guys then it is a good possibility she likes me (but she could just have a lot in common). This is all assuming that the young lady is a conservative gal, if she is not then well she would probably be flirting a lot or will ask you out on a date. Sadly non-christian non-conservative gals also flirt and ask guys out without any real intentions of commitment.
4. Men, would you say that many young ladies today are aggressive and pushy towards the guys?
I would have to say unfortunately yes, young ladies today are aggressive towards guys and that is a turn off for me. It makes me thing maybe she is desperate or simply doesn't have a solid understanding of boundaries. I also wonder if maybe she is this pushy now what is she going to be like when we get married?
Okay so to sum it all up, guys and gals just be yourself get to known each other as friends and don't try to be someone you are not or try to put yourself down (false humility). Ladies get to know the guys and be friends, it's a lot hard for a guy to like you and even consider you for marriage if they don't know who you are as a person (and yes I totally agree guys should be initiating getting to know a girl too but they too are often afraid to talk to a girl because of fear that they will think the like them).
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DeleteOh and I find it easier to talk to ladies than guys myself (I have 4 sisters and one brother which I had to wait 10 long years for). I've found girls are usually more open and honest and just easier to talk to usually than guys (although I have made a few good guy friends in the last 5 years or so). For the longest time I didn't talk to girls though because of the fact that I knew women are usually more relationally attracted to a guy where in general guys are usually more visually attracted to girls (I think I might be an exception to that rule though :P).
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