Monday, February 25, 2013

why women & men can't be friends

(anything high-lighted is hot, click to get to that page)

I've been writing much about singleness & the do-not-marry culture we live in, I find the topic fascinating & frustrating all at once. Below is a wonderful video What Kind Of Guy Should You Date, that my daughter, Michaela had up on her blog once before & its so very good that I thought I would re-post it here :) We do not advocate the modern dating system at all, but still, a great video. I love the part of the video where he says, "Beauty may attract you to the person, but character must attach  you to the person." & the importance of finding a 6:11 guy. :)

Below is another video, "Why Men & Women Cant Be Friends." This video was put on the FB site Unmarried Movie that I wrote about in my last post. Can young men & young ladies just be friends? Women seem to think so, but the men differ in their opinion, some strongly. Sounds to me God geared us very differently :)

Just a quick life story of mine from years ago. I had many male friends, I preferred them to girl friends. There was no pressure, no cattiness, no drama. I loved my male friends as if they were brothers  What I didn't realize one specific friend, David, felt differently, only I didn't know this until much later. We did every thing together & after all he only lived down the street from me & was our paper boy. Long story short, I had absolutely no feelings for him at all! He ended up being crushed. I then got married & he did come to my wedding, but I know it was odd for him. If I only knew then what my daughters know now. There is safety in being on guard. 

So specifically, what do you think after watching the 2nd video about being "just friends"? Is it possible? Why is it that ladies seem to think it is possaible, but men do not? Is it dangerous to be very close to the opposite sex? Can it be a good thing? Why?  What are your thoughts on this? 

Again, I have five daughters, we have always taught them that you can be friends with a young man within boundaries & to have his person & heart at interest, but also that the the young man not see their  friendliness as such. Its a tough call. I believe though that close friends do end up together if their is an attraction on both ends, the Lord is in control of these things & maybe He appointed it :) Close friends: how close is close? What does that look like? Still, its better to venture on the safe side & not have deep thoughts or conversations shared with the opposite sex. Something we push in our home.  Light hearted conversations are safe, always keeping check of course. 

So now, can men & women just be friends? What do you think? 

If you are not a fan of the Unmarried Movie on FB, do become a fan. They are speaking out on the very topic we have had such passion for in our own home. Good stuff there, go check it out & get involved in the discussions.  


  1. This has been a huge question for me that I have been pondering for a long time! I for one believe that guys and girls can be just friends. I've actually found that some girls I have know don't believe a person can be just friends. The question like you had said is how close is too close? I'm the type of person that likes deep discussions and am not much for shallow small talk, so that makes it hard for me to talk to girls much because the usually don't say much in this situation. This post has given me a possible reason why this is so. I do think that girls seem to think that if you want to talk about deep subjects (and I'm not even talking about person subjects) that you like them, and that is simply not the case at least for me.
    That being said I think that having constant deeps discussion one on one with a girl can lead to a sense of intimacy and is something a person needs to be aware of.

    I think too close is when a person is telling the other person all their faults and weakness and when talking to the other person about their daily life on a regular basis. This then becomes more of a dating situation (this I know from experience).

    Well that is some of my thoughts on the subject and I could go on and on because this it the kind of deeps subject I enjoy talking about moral, Biblical and social impacting discussions. :)

    1. Good stuff there, Josh. I totally understand what you are saying :) I guess if you are at a level where you are sharing deep things or its getting too personal, its time to reevaluate the relationship to see if it should go to the next step.

      I appreciate your candidness :)

    2. You're welcome. I agree and that is what I have had to do is to reevaluate the relationship.

  2. One more thought, the most important part for me in being just friends is to make sure that you keep in mind that the person you are talking to is someone else spouse to be until you have married her and you should treat her like your sister until then. We as brothers and sisters in Christ should be just that brothers and sisters and protecting each other and keep their best interests in mind and drawing them closer to Christ! This will certainly bring glory to God and bless both you and the other person and if he/she is the right one for you then you will have only helped them to be a better more godly spouse for you. This is love, and is what we are called to do, not to constantly be trying to convince the opposite gender by our conversations that we are the right one (something I have to admit in the past has been the intentions of my heart).

    1. I really like your last line, "This is love, and is what we are called to do, not to constantly be trying to convince the opposite gender by our conversations that we are the right one."

      Its true, we can all be manipulative in some way. If its supposed to happen, it will. Gods in control.

  3. Thank you so much for posting this!! Your new blog has been so encouraging and uplifting for me already - I am really looking forward to seeing what else you post in the future!! :)
    May the Lord bless you as you continue to serve Him!

    1. Thank you, Daisy! You made my day! I really want a blog that will encourage others. I thank the Lord for your words. Blessings to you, so glad you popped in to say hi! HI!

  4. Great post, Patrizia! This is a hard area for me as there really are no "rules" to what is friendship and what is more than just friends- maybe because everyone is different! :D I have some guy friends who I can chat about anything and everything and there are no emotional feelings involved. Then there are others that I feel like I can't go past the weather! I really appreciated the video (both of them!!!) of the guy who goes around asking about friendships. Very eye-opening!

    It is easy to only allow ourselves to say we are guarding our guy-friends hearts by our clothing and forget that there is a much larger area called "attitude"! How often we can lead our brothers astray by our attitudes. (And I am sure I am very guilty!!) The way we smile at them, treat them, flirt with them, and how we try to show off what good wives we will make someday rather than loving them for who they are and treating them as our brothers who will be married someday! (as Sir Joshua David has said, that is one we use a lot)

    Thank you for this post! It really encouraged me- your blog has been encouraging. My mom has enjoyed it as well. This new phase of life (singleness with your daughter still at home) has been hard because there aren't many examples of how to do it. Then on top of that, each family is different which makes it even more difficult!

    May God bless you as much as you have blessed me!!

  5. Rebecca, you have said a mouthful! Thank you. I agree :) Attitude is everything. Ive seen very conservative girls with horrendous attitudes & ugly hearts, Ive seen them use manipulation too. Our hearts are deceitful, yes? Ive seen some girls in the world with beautiful hearts as well. Our outside appearance can be a works system if the heart attitude is not right. I think our hearts should reflect our outer appearance. The Lord changes us from the inside out as long as you are not following a works system. A skirt doesnt save you & it certainly will not give you brownie points or a ticket to heaven. So I agree!

    thank you! I enjoy your wisdom, its so refreshing.

    Blessings & enjoy your day!

  6. I must say that I agree with PrincessR and your reply to this Miss Patriza, very well said and is what I was getting at! :)

  7. Well said PrinessR that is exactly what I was getting at! Our hearts are indeed deceitful Miss Patrizia and it's often not until we are in the heat of a situation or afterwards that we realized just how much so it is.