Tuesday, March 18, 2014

guy friendships & the 5 T's

As you can imagine we have very lively girl talks in this house with all 6 of us girls living under one roof. I am so glad you cant hear it all :) Our conversations are candid & frank & well, terribly transparent. We say what we feel & we are passionate about it. Not sure if its just who we are or if its my overly passionate Italian blood that has trickled down to our 5 daughters.   We discuss everything & I mean EVERYTHING.  Not to worry though, its a good thing & its crucial. We get it out there & then dissect it & maul over whatever it is we are talking about & it gets talked about until we are all sick of talking about it! Which can take a very long time, maybe even months or I dare say.... years. Usually the hot topics are revolved around men. Yep, you've heard it right, men. I mean what else is there to talk about in a house full of girls? 

Here is our take (Dave & I) in the shortest form possible I can give you on what we believe is good for our house hold concerning guy/girl relationships. 

We have always taught our daughters to treat their brothers in Christ as brothers in Christ. I understand this means different things to different people. If you lead men on with intent you are accountable to any action that comes your way, whether by God or by the young man himself. Be careful how you operate around men. Be friendly, be a conversationalist, be light hearted, never discuss your personal life & spur Him onto Christ in a sisterly way.  (again, up for interpretation) The biggest one:  Do not give special attention to all the guys. Of course if there is a like between 2 people, I believe it is perfectly natural & God given & it will show even if you try to hide it. But if you are flirting & touching every guy you come in contact with in  a giggly give-me-attention way, you better be able to back yourself up & start explainin' when he comes onto you. Keep your hands off period & by all means be a lady & God honoring. 

 Natural attraction is perfectly fine in our home, acting immorally or insensitively on those attractions is forbidden. I understand not all households operate this way & if you are very young & reading this, honor your parents in this or whatever boundaries they have set up for you. 

Dave & I have discouraged our  daughters to stand in a corner with head down in hopes of dodging all men standing in the same room, instead we have taught them to be friendly & to behave like a lady. We have stressed over & over through their upbringing not to be afraid if someone of the opposite sex talks with  them. I have said this here before, if a young man talks to you it doesn't mean he wants to marry you, do not take it so seriously. I'm concerned for young gentleman or ladies who are white knuckling it when they are around the opposite sex, especially if you are in a respectable place with decent people. I know young ladies who wont talk to guys even at their church out of just plain old fear. Thats just terrible! How difficult that must be for a young lady/gentlemen  & how  very paralyzing.  I know not everyone will agree with me on this. 

I'm not suggesting in anyway that a girl be loose in her actions, but I do think we are making something so natural given to us by the Almighty & have made it shameful to congregate with one another on a friendly level. I see no harm in it. Our daughters are friendly & are very aware of their surroundings; they are able to distinguish between a normal friendly conversation as opposed to a flirty I-want-to-get-to-know-you-without-your-parents-around scenario. :)  With 2 older daughters who can handle themselves with a mixed group I am confident they know how to handle themselves,  where on the other hand, we have younger daughters who are still in training & under the microscope.  So yes, age appropriate scenarios ect...

Also, if I might add ~ I love the KJV Its what I read. The version that is used below is watery compared to it, but I kept the verses in there for the authors sake.

Guy Friendships and the 5 T's

by Bethany Baird | 2/24/14

Friendships with guys can be (let's just be honest) awkward, confusing, hard, annoying, and so much more. I find that girls tend to do one of two things when it comes to guy friendships:

Revert to sarcasm, flirting, and more flirting. 
Avoid guys like the plague and treat them as nearly non-existent.

Let me just say that I am not a fan of either of those options. I am a fan of treating Christian guys as brothers in Christ and interacting in a pure, fun, God-honoring way. I personally think guys are great. I have three brothers and love being around them. I have guy friends from church who I really enjoy spending time within group settings. I think guys add an awesome dimension to the world. How boring would life be if guys didn't exist?
In the past, I've wondered how can I have pure, godly friendships with the opposite gender.
I'm excited to say that I have some great insight for you. I recently heard a message at my church that specifically talked about guy and girl friendships. My pastor gave us five specific areas in which we should evaluate our friendships with the opposite sex. Each of these different areas starts with a Tmaking them easy to remember. You can go through these five T's and ask yourself how your current guy interactions/friendships line up.

Here we go:

Ephesians 5:15–16 says, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."

As a young Christian woman you need to evaluate your time spent with young men.
Are you squandering hours upon hours just "hanging out"? 
Are you careful to make sure that the time you spend with guys is Christ honoring? 
Is the amount of time you spend with your guy friends the wisest use of your time?

Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Your conversations with guys must line up with Scripture. You are accountable to God for the words that you speak. Don't excuse your conversation just because it's with a guy.
What topics typically dominate the majority of your conversations with guys? 
Do your conversations with guys contain crude, sarcastic, rude comments? 
Do your words push your guy friends toward Christ or away?

Proverbs 17:27 says, "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding." 
When it comes to friendships with guys, you need to make sure that you keep a close eye on this one. Opening up, sharing deep feelings, and discussing personal topics can lead a friendship down a dangerous path.

Are you cautious with the amount of information you share with your guy friends? 
Do you share personal/intimate secrets?
Do you pour out your heart to your guy friends?

First Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.'"
When picking guy friends, you need to look at their actions and not their words alone. Many girls have trusted guys who can talk the talk but didn't walk the walk. Be wise about whom you choose to trust.

Do you purposefully choose to have godly guy friends? 
Are you willing to give up a friendship with a guy if you know it isn't good? 
Have your morals been compromised with any of your current guy friendships?

First Thessalonians 4:3–5 says, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in a way in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God."

Our friendships with guys should be marked by honor and holiness. As girls we should be encouraging our guy friends toward purity.
Do you show honor toward your guy friends in the area of physical touch? 
Are you self-controlled with your hands, hugs, etc.? 
Is the touching part of your relationships with guys holy in God's sight?

That wraps up the five T's—Time, Talking, Transparency, Trust, and Touch. I hope that those five areas give you direction when it comes to navigating your friendships with guys.
How are your guy friendships matching up with the five T's? 
Which areas would you say need improvement?


  1. Wow!!! Those are some great points!!! And I love how they all start with T so I can remember them. :wink:

    Hehe- I think it must be an Italian thing....but my mom and sister and I do it ALL the time- months or years still going depending on the topic! And there isn't much Italian in our blood.... :/ It was neat to hear of another family who TALKS about things ALL the time like we do!!! And yup, it is mainly about men.

    I know I don't comment all the time but I do read your posts!!! Keep them up, they are SO encouraging and uplifting! Many thanks!

  2. Excellent post!! Since we have boys and girls in our family the
    subject of guys and gals come up for discussion ALL the time and yes
    we talk rather candidly (of course we are careful in our wording when
    there is mixed company and younger siblings present).
    I can say that when I was younger I would avoid talking to girls
    because I was afraid I'd say or do something to give the wrong
    impression and make them ''fall for me''. I was so afraid of
    ''breaking a girls heart'', which I believe was good intentions but
    misguided in my thinking.
    I have enjoyed the homeschool get togethers of the last couple years
    where I have been able to enjoy good conversations with both guys and
    gals without fretting about breaking a girls heart (not that I'm not
    mindful of the things mentioned in this post).
    Thank you for sharing this post, it really concisely summarizes the
    general rules for guy girl conversation/behavior and is something I
    wish I had read and learned at a lot younger age!

  3. Excellent article and verses! Good things to keep in mind (and good verses to memorize).
    God has really been working in my life in even just these few months into 2014 to be a better friend to both guys and girls. Not to be so selfish and worried about what *I* am going to say, or how I come across to the other person, but how I can genuinely be a kind, thoughtful, encouraging friend (putting others first).