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"Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!" You've seen this before, yes? It usually takes place on Facebook when a young lady has achieved what FB calls, "in a relationship" status. Its a statement frequently used by a woman who has just gone from being single to attached. C'mon, you know you've seen this :P I for one am thrilled when young men take the lead & fight for the girl they they have eyes for; winning her or achieve turning her head toward him. It truly calls for shooting Roman Candles off, wouldn't you say? Well, Its like hitting the jackpot! I begin to pray for any new couple that decides to take the plunge & give it a go. Its wonderful! Its fabulous! Its worth shouting to the world! Its a beautiful thing. Period. :) Yay for guys sticking their neck out & taking that chance!
That is my initial reaction until I see this status ~ "Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!"
(As if every girl wished he were hers....)
The Ladies Reaction:
1. What makes you think I want him?
2. He belongs to you, we already know that.
3. How rude.
The statement is presumptuous & hints at the idea that we all want "your man" & that no one will ever measure up to him, because, well, he is the one & only perfect man & the rest of the ladies out there will only do sort of mediocre. :P I dunno, maybe I'm looking into this too much, but it gets me every time.
It is precious to think that he is the only one & that you are sorry that the rest of the ladies on earth cant have him & that no other man will ever match up. Sure, its ok to think this way of your man, nothing wrong with that at all, but if you look a bit deeper, its rather mean spirited. Did it ever occur to you that making such a statement would perhaps hurt some of your very own girl friends? Could it be that bragging in such a way may just be a bit too painful to a woman who has been waiting with no near future of getting a man or married for that matter? It truly is heart-wrenching for some ladies. I know plenty.
I've seen a few gals say such bragging statements many times...... heartless to not be thinking of your single friends who wish they too had a man in their life, someone to share the days with & someone to build a life with. Some of these gals that are hurting are not necessarily young, but well into their 30's. Now I know not everyone agrees with me on this, or perhaps I'm being a bit harsh or overly sensitive in this area.... maybe I am. Still, I don't think its being sensitive to those ladies who desire to be in your place & have to be constantly reminded that you have a guy & they don't. And please don't think its jealousy, that's pride too. Thinking to highly of oneself can cause self deception. I see it all the time & if you are honest, you do to. We are all capable of falling into that trap.
Other such statements I have witnessed may go something like this: "Marriage is so wonderful & fun, I wish everyone could be as happy as me." Well, we certainly are happy for you! Yet, there is no denying that its hurtful to some ladies. Should you change your wording to protect the hurting gal who so desperately wants to be married to the love of her life? Could it be that the single lady who is waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet is having her own issues & shouldn't be so overly offended? Of course, I'm sure that is very true, yet coming across as if you are the only happy person in the world because you found a guy to love you is fabulous, but to sound as if its the ONLY way to be happy is false & a constant slap to a woman who is waiting.
Marriage is a beautiful thing & certainly a happy time to finally live life with your dream man. Happiness doesn't come from others, not even your man, its a choice. We all know this.
You might as well say, "Sorry ladies, you have no chance & I'm sorry you are still single, but this is all about me & I'm happy & I have the best man in the world. I mean, I'm super special, because he picked ME. If a man did come into your life, he will have to do. You're not married & you don't know what I am talking about & you certainly cannot achieve the happiness I feel" Yikes! It sounds a lot worst reworded this way, doesn't it? But, when you say such direct, hurtful statements, check your heart, perhaps its really what you meant to say. I'm sure your thinking, "WHAT?" "All I meant was just that, that I'm the happiest woman in the world & I love my man!" Perhaps. And I certainly hope so.I translate it this way each & every time I see those pompous words: "Sorry ladies, you cant have him; he's mine!" Be lady like, think of others & don't be so prideful. You don't know who you are hurting in the process. It may be an older gal who has been just hoping & waiting & is happy for you, but is just a bit discouraged. Be gentle, help her out in her grief; be an encouragement to her instead. It could be a gal who was in a relationship, but that relationship didn't work out & she is hurting & working through her broken shattered heart. You just don't know. This shouldn't discount the fact that you shouldn't share your happiness with everyone, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, if you are going to say such things, choose your words wisely & please stop repeating it over & over ~ it is ugly & prideful. Oh, & please don't forget, you were single once too.
Patrizia
What are your thoughts on this?
Have I taken this too far?
Do you agree or disagree?
Have these statements every bothered you?
Those 3 reactions are my exact reactions (in that order) whenever the "Sorry ladies, you can't have him - he's mine!" bit ... and it crops up more often than not in my newsfeed. I am very happy for my friends who have found someone ... too often it seems like on the 'other side' of the relationship status, too many gals can forget their own feelings and reactions when they were single. Suddenly, single friends are to be pitied. Newfound 'wisdom' is abundant to be shared. Blog posts written months ago about being in a relationship can now be finally tweaked and posted 2 weeks after the relationship change because now you know ...
ReplyDeleteIt's one of the things that I pray God will keep me sensitive to should I ever end up on the other side of the relationship status ... many more years will have been spent on the single side than on the 'in a relationship' side at that point in life ... it's good and exciting and a wonderful part of God's plan. Keeping things more private is not necessarily a bad thing - show appreciation without putting anyone down :D
Im so glad someone understands! You say things so eloquently btw. Im a horrible writer & have a very difficult time expressing myself, so thanks for bringing clarity on this topic. Im so very glad I didnt make those reactions up & you too feel what I think when I see such a status :P AND Im married!!! haha.. thats the funny part!
DeleteBlessings, Moriah ~ you made my day :D
Hi Patrizia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your great posts, they have been really challenging me in my walk with the Lord! This one certianly was thought-provoking for me as a single gal! :P I do agree that for me as someone who has never had a relationship and is very much single, but still wishes for a relationship in the future, sharing so much of the "bliss" of being in a relationship, especially on public media sites like Facebook, can be quite hurtful. It's certianly not intentional, and I don't blame those who do as I would likely be tempted to do the same were I in their position! I guess the thing is that it does pay to be sensitive to the fact that this is an area where many are hurting, and so to share too much over Facebook and other places for everyone else to see can be really unhelpful for some of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
However, all that said, I do think that there is a responsibility for those of us who are single or perhaps struggling in some other way in this area too. It's easy to become bitter towards those who may be unknowingly insenstive and allow our own sinful attitudes of covetness and jealousy to overtake us. This is not right either, and I think we have to be careful not to use the insensitiveness of others as an excuse for us to feed those sinful issues. It's certianly not wrong for couples to share some of their joy with others, and we shouldn't expect them to be completely silent about it, after all this is a special stage of their life! So it seems quite tricky to me, and like we all, whether we be in a relationship or single, are struggling with different sin issues! It's hard to know what the Lord would have us to do in this area, but I think the principle of "God first, others second, myself last" is a good to apply here. Maybe those who are in a relationship need to think before posting too many gushy comments and private jokes etc. on Facebook while those who are single need to be really asking the Lord to help them overcome jealousy or covetness, and to not be afraid to speak up gently if people are being insensitive.
Whoops, it's turned into a long comment! Just thought I'd contribute something for a change, but feel free to disagree as these are just some thoughts, and scripture may prove me wrong! :P
God bless!
From,
Violet
Hi Violet :) Thank you so very much for commenting. You are so very right. I do agree with you! It really is very difficult on both ends to be sure. I guess what Im trying to say is that its perfectly normal & right to celebrate such joy in ones life, but it isnt alright to do it in a way of attitude. Its the attitude of the heart that brings on the message whether it be demeaning or the opposite ~ a blessing.
Delete"Sorry ladies, hes mine." is well... not a nice way of letting others know. Its pregnant with attitude.
And as you said, perhaps it isnt intentional, but being sensitive to others is so very important in any matter.
You have said wonderful things! Thank you for clarity on this & for making more sense than I could with my poor writing skills :)
Blessings, Violet :) Come back & see me again!
Very good post! I had not thought of some of these things, but perhaps it is because I am not on FB and haven't seen the comments. But I have gone through a sort of ended relationship and feel I can understand the point of not hurting other young ladies who are still waiting. There is a maturity we all need to develop, one that causes us to see other's pain even in our joy. Thanks for this thought-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for pointing out about the "having it all together" stance many married woman take. I've experienced it a lot and it is hurtful.
Thank you so much, Alicia. I am not a writer, but I have a lot of thoughts. I can be very blunt to a fault.
DeleteSo very sorry about your "sort of ended relationship". It hurts no matter what. Its such heart ache & a pain that goes into the marrow. So very sorry. Pain brings strength to Christ followers.
You are so very right about maturity we all need to develop. We are to weep with those who weep & rejoice with those that rejoice. (my version)
Its so true that even the "ladies in waiting" must show propriety in this also, its very difficult with the "repeat offender" who is forever insulting the single gal for being single. I too must find grace here! :)
You have blessed me!
God bless you abundantly!