the green eyed monster

As women we all have been on the receiving end at some point of the "jealous other." And I'm sure none of us can deny that we have been the one dishing out the nastiness. Girl/ women relationships can be very complex. Girls can be very catty & manipulative. I can freely & unapologetically say this.... IM A GIRL!

Jealousy is ugly. It makes the most beautiful woman the ugliest of all; it makes a gal so unattractive. A lady can become so jealous that she forgets who she is, she may even believe the lies she has fed herself. Bottom line: its a horrible spot. What makes you jealous? A girls pretty looks? The friends she hangs around with? Her accomplishments? Maybe you like the same guy she likes.... Well, you get the idea :) Jealousy is a handicap, its an obsession, a squelching of the spirit, its hate, its a lie. Jealousy controls you.

If you struggle with this & maybe you didn't think you did until now, or maybe have just recognized it as such, pray that the Lord will help you face this ugly beast & get in the Word & beat this monster with His help. It can be done, there is freedom in it for sure! You are held captive to this animal, it needs to be unleashed. Jealousy is  poison to the soul, you may think that you are hurting the person you are jealous of & perhaps you have gone above & beyond to destroy & it worked, but you really are only hurting yourself the most, you are in bondage to the very demon it is. There is freedom in Christ! Yes Christians deal with jealousy, but it is possible to repent from it. Imagine how much happier you would be & think of how much less work you have to do to win everyone to your side, it can be exasperating. Take baby steps toward releasing this green eyed monster.

Ladies, be aware of this crippling existence, none of us are exempt. 

Nahum 1:2

2 God is jealous, and the Lord revengeth; the Lord revengeth, and is furious; the Lord will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.

The Green Eyed Monster

Angela Hays Moore

Jealous.  Envious.  

Two words that basically mean the same thing.  To be jealous means to be "resentful against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself."

Let's face it, we've all felt that little green eyed monster arise quietly within us, when we hear of another's success or even when we see someone who is close to us, receive an award or a new material object that we were yearning for.  We might not acknowledge this feeling to ourselves, or to anyone else for that matter, but the telltale sign that we are feeling jealous of that person's good life or good thing is that we can't wish them well or congratulate them.  Or if we do, we do it with a feeling that there's something about them that is a little bit annoying to us... or something underneath that we don't quite like about them.  We start looking for character traits in them that we don't like and start picking at them.  Perhaps, we will just subconsciously begin to distance ourselves from them or talk about them behind their backs, to make ourselves feel better and elevate ourselves above them.  It's not pretty.  In fact, I cannot think of anything else that makes a Christian woman more unattractive, than envy.

"...For since there is jealousy and strife among you, 

are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men?"  

I Corinthians 3:3

To blog about JEALOUSY is to bring it out of the closet and shed light upon it.  No one wants to be called out for being jealous and most often, we would rather not have to talk about it.  When we 'confess our sins to one another' we like to choose sins that don't make us look so ugly.  You know, we'd rather confess to problems of controlling our tongues, losing our patience with our kids, or not prioritizing our lives better.  To admit to feeling jealous towards another woman and what she has, and we don't?  It sounds dreadfully petty, spiteful and doggone ugly of us.  Yet, it's running rampant through our churches and our homes, and spreading like wildfire.

Proverbs 27:4 tells us "Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?"  This verse means that its a whole lot easier to deal with someone who is mad at you than jealous.  When someone is mad at you, you can address it openly to resolve whatever issue is the problem.  But when someone is jealous of you, it is a quiet, insidious enemy that is often held in secret and you don't even know what the problem is, yet it begins to cause strife and stealthily create problems in a relationship or friendship, slowly eroding away the intimacy you once shared.

When we feel envy towards a person, it's actually breaking one of the Ten Commandments:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."  Exodus 20:17.

If we are being secretly eaten up with jealousy and envy, then we are not going to be a good friend full of love for others.  This feeling of jealousy is not Christ-like in any way! Jesus wants us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who are weeping.  He wants us to feel compassion, love and empathy for others, not be so eaten up with jealousy that we can't stand someone any longer! That is definitely not love!  If we are Christians, we're going to walk in the Spirit and love others.  To be jealous of someone, is to be hanging out in the flesh and allowing our own ugly sin to take over.  Sadly, I've seen this kind of jealousy in little girls, teen girls, Christian women, Christian moms, worship leaders, Bible teachers, pastors, and pretty much everyone I've ever met, including myself.  To allow this ugly, divisive sin to continue growing in our hearts, our families and our churches, is just plain wrong.  Plain and simple, jealousy and envy are sins that we need to rid our hearts of, and I mean, right now.  Today.

So what do we do?

1. First, acknowledge those feelings.  You can't eliminate something that you won't admit is there.  Be honest with yourself of how you are feeling and why.
2. Ask for God's strength to overcome these feelings.  As soon as a thought or feeling comes into your heart that is not kind or loving, capture it and then make it obedient to Christ. "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5.
3. Begin praying for your enemies.  We might not admit that our friend of whom we are jealous is our enemy, but that's what they are, when we are envying them.  We are not able to feel happy or celebrate their blessings in their life, so they become our unacknowledged enemy.  You have a major problem if you cannot ask God to bless that person and pour more abundant blessings down into their lives.  Begin to pray for them.
4. Know who YOU are in Christ Jesus.  Jealousy stems from the insecurity in our lives and the feeling of being threatened in whatever position we want to be in.  For example, if you sing on the worship team at church, and suddenly, someone else is singing and getting more attention, more compliments, and has more musical gifts than you, you might begin to resent them and inwardly envy what they have.  The green eyed monster of jealousy roars its ugly head, and instead of acknowledging that you wish you could sing better than you do, like 'her,' (although that's a tough one to admit!), you begin to dislike her and problems arise.  

Instead, if you realize that God has made you just the way He wants you to be, with the gifts and talents He has provided you, then you can be confident in knowing that you are His, in Christ, and you can use whatever gift or talent that He has given you to the potential that He wants you to use your gifts.   "And such confidence we have through Christ toward God.  Not that we are adequate as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God."  2 Corinthians 3:4-5

You don't have to compete or be the best, but you can be content and joyful, relaxing in the awesome knowledge of who you are in Jesus.  It's the only way to overcome your own insecurity and your feeling of jealousy towards others.  Otherwise, we are constantly comparing ourselves to other people, wishing we had what they had, whether it's their looks, their brains, their husband, their kids, their house, their car, their job, their personality, their popularity, their income, or their talents.  When we don't have what they have, we can begin to envy them and ultimately end up disliking them for it.   

Or on the flip side, we can compare ourselves to others, and as long as we are the best or the prettiest or the most gifted in the room, we find ourselves falsely and proudly propping ourselves up to a "I'm better than you" prideful mentality that is just as bad and sinful.  We might not be feeling jealous of anyone, but our pride and feelings of superiority are ugly sins, too.  At this point, we are only feeling secure based on who we are hanging out with. However, if someone more talented or beautiful or thinner, enters the room, we suddenly become insecure and feel that seed of jealousy begin to take root again within our hearts.

The only way we can overcome this, is to get our confidence in knowing that we are beautifully and wonderfully made by our Heavenly Father and resting peacefully in this knowledge.  When we finally come to terms with who God made us to be, what He has given us, and the circumstances in which He has placed us, then we can begin to work on becoming the best we can be and accomplishing the purpose for which He has created us.  We can then rejoice when others accomplish something neat; be happy for them when they get something new, or celebrate when something fantastic happens to them!  This is when we can be a great friend to them and rejoice with them when they rejoice [Romans 12:15]. That, my friend, is love at its intended best!

Jealousy. 

Jealousy:  It's not pretty, but if we can acknowledge this sin in our lives and root out the cause of it, our relationships can be restored; we can have healthier and happier friendships that are honest and not built on a fake-nice that hides our envy; and then we will be released and freed to be all that God wants and desires for US to be, without the strife and without the constant comparison with others.  Let our focus only be on Jesus and allowing him to work in us and through us, to overflowing capacity!  Only then, can we experience life without the misery and hateful, spiteful feelings that jealousy can cause.

There is liberty in Christ Jesus.  Let us grasp it and run free!  Oh, what an awesome adventure awaits for us, my sisters, if only we will deal with this beastly green eyed monster called JEALOUSY!   Let us spur one another on today, to be all that God has called us to be and begin to taste and experience all the joy that accompanies that knowledge!