Monday, March 11, 2013

let him win your heart

Our daughters love the Ludy books & have learned much from them. We are always sort of leery of books that teach on courtship & betrothal & such. The reason being is so many people follow "the formula" to the letter. We too had this crazy idea when our daughters were very young on how its all going to pan out when they meet the right one. However as they grew we have realized that God does write each love story very differently. With five daughters it would be virtually impossible to do it as the books say.  
Great ExpectationsGod will write your love story, He will have it be very different than anyone you know that has gone through a courtship. (& I use the term loosely)  Seems like the term, "courtship" has many different meanings to many different people. To us, it truly is finding out about the person & seeing if it could work in hopes of marriage. Of course it may not be the "right one" & hopefully that will show itself right away before it gets too deep & then terminate the relationship. Always keeping in mind, this may be the one. So, no set formula like we once believed. I think books of this nature can confuse a young lady & can set her up for disappointment. Unless you are in circles where everyone looks, dresses, thinks, acts the same. (cookie cutter) So, its nice to read these books & glean what you can, but using wisdom & the Word of God will enlighten you to truth, not someone else's wisdom. Sort of chew the meat, spit out the bones sort of idea :) 

All that to say, here is a wonderful chapter that has spoken even to my daughters that Id like to share with you. Its a bit long, but worth the read. 

The Set-Apart Girl's Guide to Relating to the Opposite Sex 

Leslie Ludy

Let Him Win Your Heart

I have yet to meet a woman who dreams of a wimpy, insecure guy who has no clue how to lead or take the initiative in a relationship. But few women realize that when they steal a guy's position & become the initiator rather than the responder, they shape men into wimps, not warriors. Most of us are so eager for a guy's approval that we carelessly throw ourselves at anything male that looks our way. Among today's love-hungry women, a man typically doesn't have to work very hard to win a woman's heart & attention. In fact, often all he needs to do is flirt for a couple of minutes, & the next thing he knows shes completely given her heart, emotions, & even her body to him. Just like settling for less than a  Christ-built man, throwing ourselves at guys cheapens the amazing work Christ has done for us. He gave up His very life to make into His radiant princesses  why would we take such a gift lightly by throwing our feminine hearts to anything male that moves? Our heart, emotions, innocence, & physical purity are treasures from heaven. These treasures are only to be entrusted to one man (our future spouse) & only after he proves he is truly worthy of such a gift.
carried away
Though most modern guys might appear to want women who are aggressive & easy to get, this kind of femininity is not what will capture the heart of a true warrior-poet. God designed men to diligently & valiantly pursue a woman. Guys are naturally intrigued by a woman with mystique -- a woman who isn't willing to auction her heart & body to whomever passes by. If a man actually had to work to win a woman's heart, he will be far more likely to cherish & appreciate the girl he's labored so hard for. On the other hand, if a woman throws herself at him, though he might initially respond, he wont have much respect or appreciation for such easy prey, & he will never learn how to tenderly cherish the treasure of her heart. 
As I said in my book Set-Apart Femininity, the entire Bible is a picture of the romance between Christ & His bride. He tenderly woos & pursues us, & when our heart is won over Him, He loves & cherishes us as priceless treasures. Christ is the initiator, & we are the responders. 

We love him, because he first loved us. 1 Jn. 4:19

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, [saying], Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jer. 31:3

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. Hos. 2:14

The entire book of Song of Solomon paints a vivid picture of a man pursuing a woman's heart & then cherishing the priceless treasure he's worked so hard to win. If you want  a truly beautiful romance with a valiant warrior-poet who will value the gift of  your feminine heart, don't follow the easy-to-get trends of our modern culture. Don't throw yourself at a guy out of impatience or desperation. The only man truly worth spending your life with is the one who will diligently, tenderly, & nobly pursue your heart, proving that he is worthy of the treasure of your purity -- the treasure Christ Himself purchased on the cross. 

So how do you let a guy win your heart? Here are a few practical tips. 

Don't Be in a Hurry

So many young women I talk to feel that the moment a guy shows interest in them, they are in an urgent situation & need to make a quick decision. This exposes their desperation -- their fear that if they don't jump on a good opportunity, they'll miss their only chance for true love. It shows a lack of faith in the Author of romance. Remember that if His plan for you is marriage, He is more than capable of keeping a guys interest  even if it takes months or years for you to finally give him the go-ahead. A man who is truly worth his salt knows that you are worth the wait & wont put pressure on you to make a quick decision  Jacob worked for Rachel for 14 years & they seemed "only a few days to him because of the love he had for her (Gen. 29:20). If God truly desires a relationship to happen, you don't need to rush or feel pressure to open the door to a guy. When a guy shows interest  the first thing to do is spend an ample amount of time in prayer & seek godly counsel. I don't just mean praying for a day or two. I mean diligent persistent prayer, seeking Gods wisdom & heart for the situation. Ask His Spirit to show you whether this is truly His highest & best for you life. Remember that, other than your decisions to accept Christ, the decision of which guy to marry is the most important decision you will ever make. 

It will affect you for the rest of your life. Its not something to take lightly. 

It is extremely dangerous to just experiment with relationships to see if you really like a guy or not, giving your heart to one person after the next in an attempt to find the right one. When God builds a relationship, He brings  one man & one woman together for the rest of their lives. He is able & willing to guide you into His perfect plan without taking you through a handful of failed relationships & broken hearts. he is able & willing to write your loves story in such a way that you give your heart to only one man -- the man you will spend the rest of your life with. But most of us don't trust Him enough to allow Him to do that for us. We feel the need to rush into a relationship so that we don't lose a guys interest. All too often, we end up brokenhearted & damaged. If there is a potential relationship in your life, the best first course of action is this:

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, & he shall direct thy paths. Prov. 3, 5-6
If you slow down & take the time to really seek Him, you can be sure that He will direct & guide you. There is no reason to ever take a step forward in a relationship unless you have a complete peace & certainty in your heart -- a certainty not based on your own emotions but on hours of spending time in Gods presence & seeking His heart & wisdom. 


  1. What you said about taking these books with a grain of salt . . . my youth pastor was just talking yesterday in Sunday School about how we are prone to seek anything *but* God's Word when we need advice. I hope to someday read the Ludys' books. Thanks!

  2. The Ludy's are wonderful--some of the few authors out there who are focused not just on relationships--but bettering the kingdom for Christ. Everyday heroes? Yep. The Ludy's do that for me. :)