Friday, January 3, 2014

its all about me, right? :) Isn't it?

* I must add after rereading my poor writing (I never said I was a writer) :P that I should have mentioned that to ask for prayer online is not a horrible thing, I don't want to come across like it is. I think though to put it out there constantly is a bad thing, and  we can fall into the sin of self-pity. Also, daily esteeming oneself in the eyes of others is debilitating. Having to put things out there about yourself for attention does not produce self-worth. Crying out daily, "see me!!" is a deeper issue. Something is amiss in the heart.* Also, this post became intertwined with the sin of selfishness & online communications, it was meant to be on selfishness, but then I remembered how difficult it is to watch when the two collide. 

Happy New Year to all! I for one am very glad to see 2013 gone & destroyed, well at least in my mind :) Although, I am very grateful for all of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon our family, too many to count, just the fact that we are healthy & breathing is much too much!  It will remain as one of the most tense full of lessons year. It was a year of  waiting. We waited for everything, still waiting.... There is a reason for this I know, so we wait on the Lord. He knows whats best, He alone can see the future. All we have to do is trust & not sin through the waiting. Lessons learned this year in waiting: to be rid of self focus; selfishness. It's 2014, we still wait :) We shall see what happens!

By now you all know my biggest pet-peeve is the nonsense that goes on with social websites. Because my blog is geared toward ladies, I tend to fume here & there in hopes of getting a positive message across that you don't have to tell all on the web. What you say & do remains, every jot & tittle ~ off to cyber space perhaps, but its there for eternity. If you complain or sigh & put your personal problems on for all to witness,  well then, its your reputation. We have to be so very careful especially as women on how we conduct ourselves for the world to see. And people don't forget, they remember almost everything, especially if it was a bad moment of bragging, venting ect. You get what I mean :) I hate to say it, but its mostly a girl thang. Guys do it too, but girls have issues with wanting attention.  Some will go to great lengths for this attention & guess what? Sometimes it works, until the smart ones catch on. My conclusion: selfishness. 

Consider the word "selfish" for a moment, what comes to mind? Its a phrase we use to describe others usually, but I fear we all suffer from this horrible state.  Selfishness breeds pride. The only way to resolve such a sad position is to serve others, to pray & to die to self. We come into the world loving ourselves, we say we want what is best for others, but it really all boils down to, "me." Checking our place in the Lord & making sure never to become a Narcissist.  "Narcissist" - it may seem huge & over the top, but it surrounds us. In our sinful nature any of us can get there & fast, none are exempt. It is so important to search the scriptures & our motives; to learn from Christs example to us through His living Word. Its not about us, its about Him. We speak His name, but that's all it is, a spoken word not a living one. 

Its so easy to give lip service & say the right Spiritual things at the right time when it becomes self promoting. Its devastating to use false flattery to get what we want,  all  for the love of self. If its fitting at the moment, I will use this to my advantage ~ I can get what I want, I can be whoever I want. 

"SELFIE." (A selfie is a type of self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone. Selfies are often associated with social networking.) 

Well, I love that word! Of course there is nothing wrong with taking a photo of yourself really, but is there something behind it? Is it for acclimation? A daily dose of admiration from others perhaps? The Internet can be used for self promotion; a way to get a "rub-down" for self love. A way perhaps to feel loved, after all compliments from others make  "ME" feel good & I feel complete when I'm lifted up in whatever way I can. I love myself! And everyone else should love me too. This is everywhere, sad fact. 

It is so easy to make light of this, but take a close look around you. You may be one of those guys/ladies who just cant get enough of YOU! The WWW gives us great opportunity to advance ourselves. Its an outlet for us to shine in the eyes of others, it satisfies the very attention we so strive for. Its dangerous. It may satisfy but for a fleeting moment, but then there's tomorrow, what about tomorrow? who will fill in that gap that one so thirsts for? What new thing will have to come about to get that pat on the back from others. Its an empty lot, its a lot of work to have to do this on a daily basis. Self love is self destructive, its lonely. It leaves everyone out of the equation. I can spiritualize this & say, "only God can fill that need", but to one who is self focused, Im afraid God is only temporary. 

It is so easy to fall into the trap of, "ME." We love ourselves. *MY accomplishments, MY goals, MY, MY, MY.* Such pride. How do men view us? I know this is not a topic for girls only, but I'm talking to the ladies right now. How do men view you in this light? Are they mesmerized by your achievements, your beauty, your accomplishments? Maybe, but that only goes so far. Eventually if he truly is interested in you, he will want to  know YOU, not who you pretend to be. A true, godly gentleman will be interested even in your short comings, no need to impress. He will love you for you, you wont even have to work over time to convince him, it will be easy for you to win his favor without having to put on a show & without having to lay out all of what you boast about. Laying out a package he cant refuse is a lie. Give em the real stuff. 

How many blogs, FB's, Twitters, ect come to mind? You know, the guy/girl who does nothing but talk about, "ME." I did this, I'm doing this, I, I, I! Truly, its a sad place to be. "look at me! Im handsome/beautiful!" Give me attention!!! In a world of lies we are told, "you can be whatever you want to be!" Well, the truth is we cant be whatever we want to be, there are some things we just aren't good at, so why lie; psychobabble at its finest. If one of our daughters wants to excel in something, we will certainly be there to encourage her in her endeavors, but truth is we all have limitations. We can so deceive ourselves, yes? 

Spend some time at an ice skating lesson or a baseball diamond & you will clearly see not everyone is good at what they are told they are good at. Why do we do this to our children?? Lol! I will not lie to any of my daughters, if I feel that they have no hope in a certain area, I wont encourage them in something that they are truly good at. It will only hurt them in the long run & the lies only bring on a prideful, self focused state. "I am good at everything, because I was told so by someone or someone has complimented me in this."  They will soon find out that someone else is much better in this particular area then they are. All of this self-esteem stuff...blah-blah-blah. Excel in the talents you truly have! GO FOR IT!  But, we cant be all to everyone. Nothing wrong with delving in all things, but lets face it, we aren't good at everything, none of us are. Go from blog to blog & you will see that everyone is a photographer, writer, ect.... I find that very hard to believe. By a quick glance one can see that not all of what is promoted is actually true. I know I will get beat up for this one..... truth is truth. 

I love to knit. I have many hopes of making beautiful garments, I'm very good at knitting. (:P) I am! BUT, looking through blogs & all sorts of things on the web, I realize that I'm just an average knitter. haha... yep, reality check. You should see some of what these ladies put out! WOW! Puts me to shame! So, you see, I can believe I'm the best knitter in the world, but truth is, I'm not. I could however deceive myself into thinking I'm a pro & then convince you that I'm a pro & hopefully you will buy the lie. If enough people tell me how great I am, well then, I must be!

We as women can easily deceive ourselves, look at Eve! I always say, "everything goes back to the garden." She was deceived, she wanted to be like God. In modern society its, "I'm the most beautiful, I'm the best at this & that" ect.... We surely can be tragically lied to. 

I often think of my high school years & am happily reminded that we didn't have the  Internet. We had to just be real & people knew this, they could figure out by spending time with you if you were the real deal or not.  We didnt have FB or anything else to promote ourselves & to try to convince others of our greatness. People seemed real way back,  figuring out who was putting it on was a lot easier to do.  At least we could identify the  real from the fake.  

Wiki: Narcissism is a term that originated with Narcissus  in Greek Mythology who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Currently it is used to describe the pursuit of gratification from vanity, or egotistic admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, that derive from arrogant pride.

Are you in love with your reflection? Something to think about. 

James 1:23

23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:

Like this little blurb I found online also
"One's interests circle around himself. His foremost concern is his own comfort, convenience, and enjoyment. The shadow of self is cast over everything else. His language abounds in I, my, mine, me, us, ours, and we."

A 2012 popular book on power-hungry narcissists suggests that narcissists typically display most, and sometimes all, of the following traits:[6]
  • An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
  • Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
  • A lack of psychological awareness 
  • Difficulty with empathy
  • Problems distinguishing the self from others 
  • Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults 
  • Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
  • Haughty body language
  • Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them 
  • Detesting those who do not admire them 
  • Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
  • Pretending to be more important than they really are
  • Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
  • Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
  • Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
  • Denial of remorse or gratitude

You may not suffer from all of these of course, but it can so get there! 

Wiki calls Narcissism a disorder, its not, its sin. Why give people such a break as to call it a disorder? hmmm.... If we label it then we can accept in others better. 


"If ye fulfill the Royal Law according to the Scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well"

(James 2:8).

 "No man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it" (Ephesians 5:29)

Also found this online: 
  • First, selfishness dies the moment we willfully choose to obey God. "19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: 20 but if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it" (Isaiah 1:19-20).

  • Second, the self-interest that all men properly have, becomes selfishness only when we refuse to conform to the Truth that we know obligates us. "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin" (James 4:17).

  • Third, the baggage from a formerly sinful condition that resurfaces to tempt us, only becomes a presently sinful condition, when we refuse to immediately relinquish what is now plainly obvious. "For sin, taking occasion by the Commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me" (Romans 7:11).

  • Finally, maintaining our holiness and keeping us from being overpowered by sin is too important a task to entrust to ourselves, instead, our supreme confidence, faith, and trust must be in the Living God to accomplish it for us, i.e., "in God have I put my trust" (Psalm 56:11).

    Its an epidemic, I really dislike the online stuff because of this. Again, none of us are exempt, we all have some cleaning out to do. Ladies tend to suffer from the self-love plague more so than men. If I could encourage you to hold fast to the real you, how God made you, to die to the ailment of self love. 


  1. Wow, very thought provoking and convicting! I really enjoy reading the posts you write yourself, I know you don't think you are a good writing but I think otherwise (not trying to be flattering either). :)

    I can't speak for all guys but I know for myself that it's very easy to get self focused and get caught up thing the self image thing especially on social networks. Usually it's not so much about the physical looks for guys in self image as it is about the reputation and respect garnered from achievements and such. It's often so easy for all of us myself especially to put on such a good appearance of being a Christian and like you said say the right Christian things but if it's not back by action it is nothing! Self deception - that is the biggest lesson I've learned from 2013, it's so easy to do and we lose sight of our own God given identity. Thank God for godly parents! If you are blessed with God parents or even a godly mentor don't ignore the constructive criticism they provide!
    Proverbs 1:7-9
    7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
    8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
    9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.

    The biggest pitfall of promoting a good self image that we often fool ourselves and unless we are regularly in prayer seeking God to reveal who we really and listening to the godly rebuke of family and friends we honestly believe we are as perfect and blameless as we promote ourselves to be - speaking from experience here. But one that illusion of a person is unmasked and people see that that talk is only talk it takes serious work to build your credibility with people.

    So I will echo what you said above - life is not about you, it's about God and others!

    Thank you for taking the time to write this post, I really got a lot out of it!!

    1. Thank you, Josh! I always get real nervous about writing anything, it truly is my biggest struggle.

      I thank you for sharing the guys side, it means the world to me. I dont have sons, so I do not deal with that end & feel somewhat short-changed in trying to understand men. I dont know how they work except for my husband, Dave. I do not have the experience with how sons do things.

      You are so very right about keeping in prayer & being sensitive to the Spirit & listening to godly rebuke. The Internet is a huge pitfall for many. There are times I think I just want to walk away from it all, but I never do. :/ Blessings to you ~

    2. You're are most welcome! Just keep telling it like it is you'll do fine with your writing. :)

      I'm still trying learn about how I and men think too. haha I'm glad to share what can with others if will help them.

      I too have thought about just walking away from the Internet and have for a month or so but feel I have so much invested in it that I can't. I need to learn to start using the phone more often to just talk to people (although skype when possible can be even better).

  2. Thank you so much for writing this, it is always something I could work on more!

    I've always struggled as being "the quiet one", and while I don't agree with the views of the original person who said this, the quote "The quietest people have the loudest minds" is quite true. Just because I don't always talk a lot doesn't mean my mind isn't thinking the problem or situation over thoroughly. ;)
    But, because of this, I have to be careful that what I say, or share, whether on my blog or Facebook, is something I could also say "in person". Writing things comes quite easily to me, yet when I have to formulate the same words to actually say them I have more difficulty. But I know I need to work on not projecting an image online that may seem false to those who meet me in person,especially for the first time ("man, she seemed so talkative online!). I KNOW I've done that to people, and it's wrong, because it is projecting the wrong image of myself to others who maybe don't know me well enough to know that I am fairly quiet, but can also be talkative, depending on the situation and people.

    Anyway, great article, thank you for writing it, I always find the things you post to be relevant, easy to understand, and challenging to my Christian walk. =)

    1. I believe its the quiet ones who know exactly what is going on & are wise for not always being out there. Its the loud ones who have the problem of telling all. And, yes, somehow we think that if someone doesnt add their 2 cents that they havnt any brain matter, the opposite is true. We are a family of extroverts, except for Julia & Anna. We are forever checking ourselves & going over how to handle each & every situation that goes on on FB the most.

      So very true about being careful about our online persona vs. our real life interaction with people. In that sense the Internet is a wonderful thing though, it does work wonderfully for those who do not open up in public, but are able to online, giving them a sense of freedom they may have otherwise in a group setting. Im not sure I have a huge discrepancy with that one. Its easier for some to be the real thing on line. As long as its the real you.

      Im afraid for the gals who are constantly putting up things about themselves to convince the guys that they are missing out if they dont see how great of a woman they are. Its a forceful act. So many fall into the pit of, "Im the greatest, pick me!!!" I think as humans we have forgotten how to communicate. So much falseness going on. Because of my blog being geared toward ladies, I see a lot as I search the web & I see so much on FB with gals who are so attention seeking.

      I dont claim to have it all together, but I see a lot of this in the 20+ age mostly.

  3. Thought-provoking post. The topic is one I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. I am an author and it can be a hard balance sometimes for me to know when to promote my work/me or to back off. I only have a FB page for business, which means it is supposed to be used for promotion. I try to balance promoting books, promoting the Lord and talking about Scripture, and sharing personal fun times, but it really is difficult to know how far to go with any of them. Sometimes even promoting the Lord can turn into promoting US if we aren't careful. Any thoughts on how to balance running a business and still not being caught up with too much self-promotion?

    I've never even thought about putting things online to impress guys. I guess I didn't realize it could be a temptation to some. It is definitely good to know that sin exists, as I can now guard against it.

    Thanks for the thoughts.

    1. How very neat, Alicia! I would love to follow your page! Personally, I dont think anything is wrong to promote your self if the Lord has given you the gift of writing. There certainly is a place for that in any business.

      I am pointing fingers instead on the laides who promote themselves for constant, daily attention to rope in men. Also, a gal who promotes oneself in using lies or manipulation. FB is a breeding ground for this. It goes on all the time.

      Please, what you do is not what I speak of. I am such a bad communicator, if I only had the right words....

      You are so right about promoting the Lord used to promote ourselves. As I said in my post, using your spiritual side at the right moment to get what you are going after for that time. Lets face it, our hearts are deceitful, who could know it? The Lord knows! He knows our hearts, we know when we are deceiving or manipulating. That is what I am going after, knowing what we are doing & not caring for the sake of self love.

      Im so glad you commented! You always add so much!

    2. I'm so glad you think so and I appreciate the clarification. I do like to get feedback on more difficult topics such as this one. Your post encouraged me to do an FB post ensuring all of my fans know my work is the Lord's and meant to glorify Him. Thanks for being the Lord's tool to remind me to do that!

      I have been enjoying your blog so much. Keep it up!

    3. Here is my FB page. :) Publish only if desired.