Sunday, August 4, 2013

dude vs gentleman


  [dood, dyood]  Show IPA noun, interjection, Verb phrases, dud·ed up, dud·ing up.
a man excessively concerned with his clothes, grooming, and manners.
a fellow; chap.
(a general term of address used to a man, woman, or group).
a person reared in a large city.
Western U.S. an urban Easterner who vacations on a ranch.
(an expression of shock, approval, sympathy, or other strong feeling): Dude! That's one expensivesandwich!

gen·tle·man  (jntl-mn)
1. A man of gentle or noble birth or superior social position: "He's too much a gentleman to be a scholar" (Aphra Behn).
2. A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior. See Usage Note at lady.
3. A man of independent means who does not need to have a wage-paying job.
4. A man: Do you know this gentleman?
5. gentlemen (-mn) Used as a form of address for a group of men.
6. A manservant; a valet.

gentle·man·ly adj.

The 80's were my hey-days. I was young, ready to conquer the world & I was having FUN! I loved the freedom I had, I loved being care-free so invincible.... ah... those were the days.... 

And EVERY GUY was a DUDE!!! haha... yep, we called everyone "dude" (the irony - I hate it so now) Anyway, I decided to blog on this because of a conversation I had today with my daughter, Anna. As I did a bit of research on the 'dude' word, I found it interesting that the word, "dude" was coined way before the 80's!  If you are interested in the history of this word; its quite interesting. And just think of how much more educated you will be :P

I think what I detest even more is a girl being referred to as, "dude."  ick. :P I guess my next blog post should be on "Dude or Lady." Truly  picking apart what a lady really is & what a lady is not.... hmmmm... I like that idea, I think Ill do it :) 

So, back to DUDE. Think of how many different ways the term is used. If you look at the above definitions, I would have never in my life ever have thought of a dude being someone who is concerned with his clothing, manners & such.  Interesting. I automatically think of a 'dandy'

For  old ladies like me & us 80's gals, 'dude' is nothing but a surfer dude, an air-head, a totally awesome, perpentubular-way-out-far-out-dude. I think dude today means something entirely different. If you can clue me in, Id appreciate it :)  

Tough Guy

Today I am flabbergasted as to why girls are interested or chasing after dudes? Have we lost our marbles? Shouldn't we be happily interested in gentleman? Any trip to Walmart will show you an entire episode of girls & dudes relating to one another. We are surrounded by them, their everywhere, there is no escape. To me the dude of today is not a beach bum, but a *computer addicted-I dont want to work-government please support me-I want to hang out & party-father several children without any responsibility & I want to live just for me-and dump the girl Im with now to chase after another one.* Yet, these dudes have women falling at their feet, even in  "Christian" circles. I put Christian in quotes if you notice. :) What is the attraction? What is the attraction to the dude who is living for himself? With a click of the finger, these guys get the women, not only one, but many. It happens all the time! (Im trying to calm down) haha... :)

Our five daughters make clear distinctions between a 'dude' & a gentleman.  I am so glad for this. They are so very picky & are very sure they need gentlemen in their lives. Dudes become quite upsetting to them & well to be quite bold, repulsing. 

This past week our town hosted its annual fair. With animals that have won ribbons  , rides, cotton candy & real-bad-for-you-deep-fried-in-who-knows-what fries,  we find the people much more entertaining. Animals? What animals? 

The fair attracts all sorts of people indeed. As we walked through the stalls to see the horses, there were a couple of young dudes, or as my girls call them, "puberty stricken boys". haha... sorry, had to throw that in there. :P Its the time a young man is trying to make a mark in this world & is facing the stage of growing up, but being extremely awkward & hopelessly trying to impress the girls. You know what I'm talking about, yes? Dudes can be any age of course. Well these young dudes  had a couple of young tootsies hanging about trying to impress them with their extremely off-color behavior & had hardly any of their bodies covered. You know, you've seen it.... a 15 yr. old trying to look 25 - only worst. I actually have a heart for these young people.  I almost took the young "lady" aside to speak with her & encourage her, but I didn't & am kicking myself today. Grrrrrr....


Anyway, some how these dudes were able to seek the attention of the gals & boy, what a show! X-rated too, had to take our three youngest daughters out of there. I mean, its a fair, a family function, right?   Ah, well, its the blind leading the blind. Its where trouble begins & if not controlled, a disaster indeed. Someone needs to teach these young men some manners (because the girls are so aggressive & out of control) well, that spells trouble. And they were young! The bad news:  a lot of these dudes stay dudes for a very long time & some never grow out of it. Men that stay boys. Playing. Dude city.

You & I know that there is hope for these dudes, yes??? Christ alone :)

It was then in the horse stall that  my two oldest daughters stopped to think of how blessed they are to have male friends who are gentlemen, they have a new respect for them & realized how very precious their "brothers" are. The evidence so clear on how men should behave. "Men" being the key word here ;) Gentleman, who treat their lady friends like God would want them to, gentlemen who have been brought up to respect a lady. I am so very grateful to the Lord for the gentlemen the Lord has in our daughters lives, I love each & every one, they are a treasure to us. Why wouldn't a lady want that? We ladies are thankful for the parents who have gone above & beyond to raise these young men & in turn for these gentleman who strive to please the Lord in their endeavor to be true men of God. There is hope! Their out there :) True story!

Offering her your coat when she's cold
I'm not just talking, "the world" here, its Christians too. This does go on & some how, some way, girls are attracted to it. I just don't get it. Is it the nurturing side of us that we think we can fix that person? Is it, "taking a walk on the wild side" that attracts a girl? I don't know, its just interesting & disturbing to me. In the "world", these dudes can "get the girl." Its not hard & it happens... a lot. I'm thinking its because these girls have been so brain washed into thinking that that's just the way men are, that they subject themselves to circumstances that will hurt them, confusing lust for love. Has it ever occurred to these young ladies that this dude may not stay very long? That he is seeking nothing, but "the next moment," that he cant offer her anything?  No  future, no stability? What are they thinking? Looking for love in all the wrong places & taking the little bit of false love they can get, because they don't know what real love is. Its sad, so they settle for a dude. 

So lets focus on the gentlemen (I can write a book on dudes, but I don't have to, because you know what I'm talking about :) )

Here are some quotes from forums that I found on the web describing a Christian Gentleman:

* To start, a christian gentleman is primarily a christian and secondarily a gentleman. Being a christian gentleman comes not from worldly position or positions, but from the application of godly character to the world and the exercise of good principles in daily life.

* If both Christian and gentleman, then the perfect example is, of course, Jesus. If a man seeks to emanate Jesus in every aspect of his life and puts God's will before his own in every situation and decision, he is a Christian gentleman. Second, if he is going to be married, then to love his wife as Jesus loves His church (if he can even comprehend such a vast love and sacrificial living) is the second characteristic of a Christian gentleman. Just as Jesus didn't go with the flow of society, so does the Christian gentleman reject society's notions of how he ought to be, in order to be Christ-like. He does not base how he should act and think based on what others say is Christ-like, but he turns to scripture and prayer. He prays with passion, he lives with passion, he loves with passion. Yet, he realizes his fallible, human nature and is forever thankful of Christ's horrendous death on the cross to pay for his sins.

* Chivalry, as many have said, has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. In today's culture, the crude, slang and coarse have become accepted—part of conventional society. Media has raised our tolerance level for the vulgar to the point that even those who aspire to be "gentlemen" really don't know what true manners are.

It truly baffles me to think of a gal who is impressed or taken by a "dude." I just don't get it, what is the attraction? Is it desperation? Ladies it is the gentleman that can lead you closer to Christ, it is the gentleman who will love you unconditionally & will love you as Christ loves the church. Dont sell yourself short. So hes cute (that's nice) or maybe he's funny (that's nice) or he says the right things to you (that's nice) perhaps he is promising a great future together (that's nice) Wake up! Come out from among them! Surround yourself with gentlemen, they have so much more to offer, so much to give. How many times has a dude opened a door for you? It aint gonna happen. It could, but it wont go on. Soon, his eyes will turn to another girl who will fall for him & the cycle continues. 

Weve become such a casual society & interaction with dudes just seems normal, because its "in." A gentleman is like gold, just as a lady is like a ruby. In our society a gentleman is the butt of every joke & is looked down upon as a weak, lilly-livered man. A gentlemanly demeanor does not constitute an effeminate man or a man who is a mamas boy, the stereotype by  today's understanding. A gentleman can protect his family, hunt, shoot guns, & stand up for righteousness sake. A gentleman is not a push over. A dude may look like hes got it all together, dress the part & talk the talk, but Im sure I can beat him up :P Put a gentleman & a dude in a ring together & lets watch :) A dude is a Hollywood equivalent of a gangsta, its all they have to stand on ~ image. 

The duel scene from Count of Monte Cristo is by far the best dueling scene ever filmed.

The encouragement in all of this is that a dude can certainly become a gentleman (by choice) then again a gentleman can become a dude (bad company corrupts good manners) 

1 Corinthians 15:33-58

33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Its a terrible  thing to watch a gentleman not be appreciated by a gal. May the gentleman out there truly seek out the lady that will compliment them. Raise your standards ladies, appreciate the prize when you see it. 

Going back to the fair today :) This should be fun! 


  1. So true. That enigma has probably been puzzling mothers and older women for a long time.

    I remember years ago when a traveling music/evangelistic group came to our church meeting one Sunday while they were visiting family in the area. My dad learned that they sang together and invited them to sing, which they did. The eldest son, who was a dude in the dandy style, was apparently quite impressed with himself as events proved.

    We had an unconventional, family inclusive service plan at that time and in the middle we broke for some refreshments and visiting. This young peacock apparently thought he'd made quite an impression on the young ladies of our small assembly and during the break he stayed in the pew and took up the pose of a young sultan waiting for the girls to arrive. Thankfully, none of us did. We all went to the back with everyone else. Eventually, when his royal dude-ishness realized we weren't coming to fawn over him, he casually made his way toward the back of the room also, trying to look cool, unconcerned and disinterested. It still makes me want to snicker. ;-)

    Thankfully for him, I think his parents gave him enough Bible that hopefully he was able to grow out of that "stage" into something useful. I trust that he did. :-)

    1. haha! Great story, I can imagine it all in my mind. New word for me, "royal dude-ishness. haha... so funny, I love it!


  2. I'm with your two eldest daughters; I've been so blessed to be integrated into a circle of gentlemanly Christian men. I must say, after being introduced to that circle, my standards of what young men are capable of was raised significantly higher.

    1. Sarah, forgot to respond to this, so sorry :( What an encouragement you are! Yes, once you taste & see what is good, there is no going back, Im with you on this one!

      Blessings to you :)

  3. Replies
    1. thanks! :) Praying for you still, Josh. Hope everything is going great & that the Lord is using you abundantly!

  4. Ok, so when I was at the fair with dad the other night there was this guy leaning against one of the game stands. He was in a tank top, wearing a "gangsta"-style baseball cap (you know, the really big kind, ) and had gold chains draped around his neck. My first instinct was "wow, I bet he has all the girls after him!" He was a good looking guy. But then I shook my head, because honestly. . .there was absolutely nothing impressive about him. His eyes were all over the place, he obviously had an overgrown ego, and he certainly didn't know Christ. (plus he needed to lose the chains, just sayin'. ;) ) Comparing outward "beauty" to the upright, set apart beauty of a true Christian gentleman is incredible. There is something 10 times, no, 20 times, more attractive about a man who radiates from within--who has a vision, a purpose for living. A man who doesn't turn "ladies" into street-walkers, who keeps to himself, who is seeking Christ with his all and everything. Yep, Anna and I are privileged to know men like that.

    All that to say, you defined "dude" vs gentleman well. :)

  5. "A gentleman can protect his family, hunt, shoot guns, & stand up for righteousness sake."

    AMEN TO THAT! :)

    Great post, btw.

  6. Thank God for His mercy, I used to be one of those dudes...a shy conservative Christian dude, but dude none the less. God blessed me with wonderful parents and used other people (most of them women/young ladies actually) to humble me and "push" me that I needed to raise the bar to God's standards not mans.

    Women have a lot of power to help guys be men or enable them to continue to be boys and dudes. Ladies...keep that Biblically high standard for you husband!

    Excellent post! :)

    1. Interesting that you say women have a lot of power to help guys. Not arguing, I just find that interesting. :) I'm a girl (obviously,) and if anything, from my experience around different female circles, women DO have power, but often in manipulative ways. Like the Bible says, women can make men into bread. (Just woke up, so forgive me if this comment sounds juvenile. ;) ) Literally--women can make men into ANYTHING they want if they use the right tactics. It's woman's job NOT to use that power. :P What women need is Godly, Biblical leaders who are grounded in their beliefs and are looking to other MEN for support. Starts with the father, obviously, but we need more men to stand up and take charge. There are very, very few "warrior poets" in the world.

    2. Good points Micheala! What I'm trying to say is women have the power of influence over men and that can be used for good or bad...thank you for pointing out the other side. Women, specifically can and should be supporting their husbands (not that husbands should be relying on their wife to fix their problems emotionally)and believe it or not she can either build him up or tear him down very easily.

      I whole heartily agree with you about men taking charge, and ultimately need to know what they believe and be strong in Christ (He alone can solve all our problems) and be looking to other men for support. This world does indeed need more "warrior poets"! :)

    3. I should have also mentioned that God also used hard hitting messages from guys to convict me as well, didn't mean imply that it was all women that made the difference. I was just trying to let women know that the standards they hold and do effect God fearing men and God can and does use them as instruments of change.

    4. Right. :) The Bible speaks of married women supporting, convicting, and ultimately being a help meet to their husbands (ie, praying for an unsaved spouse.) However, single men need to be so, so careful that they are not giving ladies the wrong message by over-confiding, especially if they have no intent on marrying them. :P In turn, single women need not abuse the honor of encouraging men. Guys are supposed to do the pursuing, the leading, the teaching, not the other way around. The book 'Captivating' by Stasi and John Eldridge has (IMO) become a huge stumbling block for many single gals. The concept is good in some areas, yet becoming "modestly alluring" is extremely dangerous. Again, the whole "making men into bread" concept. :P

      Anyhow, all that to say, men need to take their God-given role of leadership a little more seriously. Don't forget, Eve was deceived first. All goes back to the first man and woman.

    5. Right on Michaela, well summarized! I have heard of the book Captivating but neither have I nor any my family read it. I have only too well learned how harmful it can be to confide too much to lady friends...often not realizing and just trying trying to be honest.

      You mention this "making men into break" concept, I can't think of what part of the Bible you are referring to, can you elaborate a bit? :)

      Amen to men taking their God-given roles of leadership more seriously and I would (and can being a guy) say a LOT more seriously and I am preaching to myself in saying that!

  7. And too, women can be quite deceived & may not always be giving the right advice. The beautiful part of it all is having a wife, a helpmeet who is discerning, but I would be very aware of just "girl-friends" spurring a guy on. Guys do see things differently from girls, Im just speaking from a w omens perspective & I know what girls are capable of. Id love hearing your responses, Josh! So, what do you think about what I just said? :)

  8. Good post! There are too many dudes, not enough gentlemen. That's why we need to encourage our brothers/guy friends to be gentlemen instead of dudes.

    Godly young ladies/women CAN have a great influence on guys, but they should be very, very careful that whatever advice they give is first grounded in the Bible, not just what they want to see that guy become/do, which may or may not be Biblical. I think if guys can be encouraged by other guys, that can be WONDERFUL, and probably the best way, however girls can encourage guys to become men even just in being ladies. Encouraging them to be gentlemen, like opening doors, or letting them carry things for them. Encouraging them in the right things, instead of being part of the problem by hanging on them, giving them the wrong attention, generally encouraging their "dudeness" instead of encouraging them to be gentlemen.

    1. Exactly Samantha, that is what I mainly meant by gals encouraging being a lady. Men naturally want a challenge and when women play part in God's plan and men are rightly encourage by Godly men to will readily take their place as gentlemen and fulfill their role in this divine romance!

      Yet, men or not encouraging the next generation of men and often they can because they were not taught it by their elders. This being true for me and I vow with the Lord's help that it will end in this generation of my family with me!

    2. Correction not "with the help of God" that sounds too much like I am the one doing the change and God is just helping me but it is by and through the strength and word of must be HIM that accomplishes it in me or it will never happen because I will most certainly fail!

  9. I could write a whole post on this subject. But let me try to just give a few thoughts. Men an women can both be deceived but it does appear that the Bible says that women are more easily deceived as shown by the fact that Satan through the serpent in the garden of Eden went to Eve (he may have went to Adam too) and it was she that was deceived. Paul then points out to Timothy that it was Eve that was deceived first as reason for why women shouldn't have authority over men. That does not mean that women can not be trusted or that they can't be discerning though, it is just a principle, a character trait that God used to differentiate men and women. It is all part of God's divine structure and plan that we often don't understand and foolishly think we can change. But I'm starting preach now, so I'll get onto my next point.

    You are absolutely correct that wives are to be the helpmeet and I believe a man should look for a discerning women for a wife. There is much danger in looking to lady friends to be someone to spur you one...I have gone down that road and it doesn't always go well. One of the biggest reasons why it is so dangerous is because a guy can take be constantly looking for and accepting this spurring and feed on it rather than turning to the Word. Second a guy can continually feed off this free encouragement and never get married and have this come from a godly wife the way God intended it. As fleshly people we want to take the path of least resistance with for men translates to least responsibility, so if a guy can constantly be getting this outside of marriage why would they want to get into a marriage where they will have responsibility? This is the dangerous road that I have travel and it has cause me much damage and not just to me but to my family! Now not to say that women can't spur on a guy if God leads them to say an encouraging word and that men should just ignore women. This is all very fine line in to walk, and really comes down to a person's intentions. We are commanded to encourage one another in the body of Christ but we are also told not to be a stumbling block for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

    Since women do see things differently than men they can often give insight that men can not, but whether the advise comes from a man or a women it must always be checked against the Word of God. You certainly do know women better that I do and I am rather naive when it comes to the manipulative side of women as I have only experienced a little of it. In fact the more I learn about women (I have learned a lot from your blog alone) the more I realize that I don't know how women think as much as I thought even thought I have so many sisters.

    Did I respond enough? Too much? haha I really do enjoy this kind of conversation actually. :)

    1. In summery of my experience...a conservative Christian dude can talk the talk but only a conservative Christian gentleman can walk the walk and that's because fully relying on God for their security not that of a woman or anyone else.

    2. Points well taken & I agree :) Thanks, Josh!

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