Monday, March 4, 2013

the reverse-cinderella syndrome

So excited about this article I found! YAY! Biggest pet-peeve of mine all summed up in one glorious article , :)  I really, really have a bad taste in my mouth with this "Cinderalla Syndrome" girls believe in. Reality is everything. Reality keeps a girls thoughts afloat & her heart in the right place. Too many girls are ruled by their emotions & it can be very ugly. Anyway..... 

Waiting for prince charming

The Reverse-Cinderella Syndrome

By: Janae

As little girls, we grow up reading fairy tales about beautiful princesses being rescued by their knights in shining armor.  Deep down in our hearts, every little girl yearns to be loved like that.  We want a man to give everything up for us, even if it means his life, to keep us safe and make us happy.
Rather than relishing in the fact that we already have one God-man who has done this for us, however, we unrealistically expect this same treatment to come from a person… an imperfect, flawed, sinful person who was not designed to solely meet all of our needs (only God can do that).
The Glass Slipper
As teenagers, girls often expect boys to pursue them (rightly so) and for them to then bend over backwards to meet their every desire.  I recently saw on the Facebook profiles of acquaintances with high school children the great lengths that teenage boys were going to to simply ask a girl to a dance:  The phrase “Prom?” being constructed out of kid’s swimming floaties and secured with rope across a swimming pool or the letters of the word “Homecoming” being individually photographed and framed are just a few examples.  Talk about putting unnecessary pressure on young men!  As young women grow older, we often expect the proposal and wedding to be of fairy tale proportions.  And once we are both residing in our “castle,” we can sometimes expect our husbands to serve us.  I can attest to this because I myself have suffered from this twisted mentality on occasion.
If we have bought into this mentality and placed fairy-tale expectations on the men in our lives (as I regrettably have often done), once we have children we can often suffer from the reversed-Cinderella syndrome.  ”I used to be treated like such a princess, but now I am scrubbing the floors, folding the laundry, and changing the 20th diaper TODAY!  What about me and what I want to do?!?!”  
Our culture feeds into the princess mentality, starting at infancy and well into adulthood.  When was the last time you saw a “romantic comedy” where the woman goes to great lengths to serve and encourage the man she loves?  I don’t think I have ever seen such a movie.  And, as much as I hate to admit it, the body of Christ is guilty of this at times as well.  Even the author of a recent Christian fiction book I read seemed to be encouraging this type of expectation for young women and the men who pursue them.
No, I’m certainly not against playing princesses and reading fairy tales…but I think we always need to remember who that knight in shining armor really is.
Prince Charming
“Let the King be enthralled by your beauty.  Honor him, for he is your Lord.”  -Psalm 45:14

As women, God has called us to a life of service (as Proverbs 31 clearly indicates).  The people we need to start serving first and foremost are those in our own household.  This is hard, especially when it is so counter-cultural, and I personally fail at it daily
 It is a daily choice we must make as women:  to serve or demand to be served.Let’s make the choice to emulate the one man in our life who was perfect and chose to give up everything for us.  Let’s make the choice to serve our families with a selfless attitude. 


  1. Wow, excellent article! Good reminder. THIS (Reversed-Cinderella Syndrome. . .using that name from now on!) is the very reason I ABHORE Mr. Darcy. . .as you know. Not only is he dreadfully boring, unimaginative, and just plain YAWN, (whatever happened to the swashbuckling, gritty hero? I'm sorry, but sitting around looking prim and proper alllll day is NOT my idea of manly!) but he has put (along with many "Conservative Christian Girl Trends",) unrealistic expectations into the hearts of many single ladies.

    "Waiting for my Mr. Darcy" puts so much pressure on guys--the average, every day man who will never, ever be the perfect Regency "hero". . .or Mr. Knightly. . .or Doctor Who (sorry, ladies! ;) ) of every girls dreams. Fantasy-land can be fun, but it isn't always edifying. Real-life men aren't perfect, and goodness, neither are we! Ladies need to work on their character before their Knight in Shining Armor can or SHOULD make his appearance! Right now we are helpmeets-in-training. . .so we don't stay spoiled brats (because c'mon, that's how we're born! ;) )

    So. This is all a rambling mess. But anyway--Mr. Darcy is NOT the perfect hero for many reasons. Over excessive romance can be harmful. And life isn't a fairytale. Sure, all girls want to be princesses, but a true, rounded woman of God isn't afraid to get a little dirty or do a little work. Life is all about challenges.

    1. Do tell how you really feel, Michaela :P hahahaha... The Lord certainly has made you packed with passion. I agree with you 100%. Lets do chocolate :)

  2. Great article!!! As a wife now, I've been learning so much about the need to sacrifice my time and energy to do MY part in the home. It isn't just about sitting in the window seat reading novels until my prince comes home from work to wait on me hand and foot. My husband works an exhausting job physically. He comes home in need to warm hugs, hot food, and relaxation. He does a wonderful job at serving me, of course, but part of the wife's role is to serve her husband. He DOES still treat me like a princess in that he is tender, sensitive, respects me, and encourages me... but there is such a fine balance to keep.

    And yes, there is only one perfect man... and He is Jesus Christ- God! If I am not following Him closely and keeping my relationship with HIM healthy, then it is so much easier to slip into wanting my husband to be that perfect man... which isn't how God intended marriage to be. Marriage is two sinful people living together and doing their best to love, serve, and care for one another while relying on the Lord to be their strength.

    Again, great article!
    God bless!

    1. Rachel, I always appreciate hearing from you. I admire your honesty & you inspire me. Its such a blessing to know other Christians are willing to be transparent & are willing to learn from every day lessons. He is so very good to grow us, you will be a blessing to your daughters some day :)

  3. Very good article.
    I, too, think it is rather disturbing when girls are swooning over and wanting to find someone just like a certain fictional book character or movie character. He may have excellent manners, be oh, so handsome, and just perfect, but you have to remember - this is just an actor reciting his lines and acting! There was only one Mr. Darcy, a fictional man created by Miss Austen. So to look for someone like him is unrealistic. There are men who are courteous, thoughtful, kind, loving, etc., but to be so consumed by a single person, a person who never lived no less, is wrong, not to mention discouraging to the young guys out there! They may or may not know who Mr. Darcy ( or any other fictional/movie character) is, but if they did I'm sure they would feel discouraged having to live up to someone who many girls think is the "perfect" man. No one wants to be compared to a perfect person!!
    Also, if we are looking for a "perfect" person to marry, then we better get marriage out of our minds right now! Marriage is about giving and taking, with a lot of giving on our parts, as well as his. If we go into marriage with the mindset of being served all the time, we'll not only be in for a shock, but our marriage won't be happy, either. If you can learn to joyfully serve now then you will be far better off in the future. If you find joy in serving, then it won't seem like a drudgery or task to you. It will instead become something that brings you great happiness as you look for ways to "out-serve" one another.

  4. Truer words were never spoken, Samantha! You are a wise one. Again, not reality, my biggest pet-peeve of all! Its a huge "hate" in my life. Its one thing to think one handsome, its another to make his fictional character real. Its so very dangerous, because its only a set up for disappointment. Live in reality, its so much safer!

    blessings, Samantha ( I love when you stop by btw) you have so much to give.

    1. Aww, thanks. =) I love having a place to share my heart. You've inspired me to write more blog posts on things that matter to me. They'll be showing up on my blog soon. ;)

  5. This is a great article, Patrizia :) It seems that lately have come to (at least begin to) realize a little bit more that Jesus is the only One who can or *did* do all that for us. I'm sixteen, I'm a dreamer, and I struggle with my relationship with Jesus and wanting to be loved. . . . He must be reinforcing this fact, because it's come up several times lately :)

  6. How very precious you are :) Dreaming is fun, isn't it? When I had toddlers, I was reminded by several girls that were in their early 20's that they didn't make Jesus there own until they got to be around between 19-22 *anywhere in there* This was puzzling to me, I mean after all this could never happen to us, we are going to teach our daughters from the very beginning about Christ ect.... I think we were a bit ignorant :) head knowledge is just that, but to make Christ your own, when salvation becomes a testimony ect. is a different story altogether.
    I have an almost 16 yr old & I see her going through much of what my 2 oldest have gone through spiritually, getting through their walk with the Lord. The ups & downs. THE STRUGGLE. I know about this & its so very normal & so very real. The beauty of it all, if you are faithful & persevere, you too will have a beautiful relationship with Him. Of course the struggle never ends, we are forever being tempted & prodded by the enemy.

    As I tell my girls, take heart! He is molding & shaping you into a beautiful rose for Him. I think the ticket is being grateful for the trials, for the doubts for all that comes with growing up. Never praying those trials away, He providentially placed them there to grow us up & to make us more like Him. Never wish the trials away, because He walk along with us. Its through those trials that He carries us through & makes us strong. He is right there with us. David was in the cave alone, Ive been there, its not easy, but He walked beside me at every moment.

    You are a lovely, young lady! May God use you mightily! Praise the Lord for your tender heart toward Him!

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement! I will keep what you said in mind. If you would when you think of me or visit my blog, would you pray for me that my heart would truly be tender toward Him? I don't really want to say too much more, only that I can come across as tender towards Him when I'm really not. Not that I don't want to be close to Him--but you know! Thanks Patrizia :)

    2. I will visit your blog! And I will certainly pray for you! Please, always remember you are on a journey, the Lord is walking with you every step of the way, especially in the hard times. Its during the hardest times the refining is going on. Hang tight, nothing stays the same forever, change is part of life. It will change!

  7. hmmmmm... I cant seem to get on your blog. :/ can you help me out? send me the link? blessings :)